Stream Meet My Consciousness

All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

Blaise Pascal

Note: I had to look up consciousness because it looked wrong. I hate when a word looks wrong even though it’s right 😠. And now it sounds wrong in my head 😆. Lord I have problems 🤦‍♀️)

Note: I had to look up consciousness because it looked wrong. I hate when a word looks wrong even though it’s right 😠. And now it sounds wrong in my head 😆. Lord I have problems 🤦‍♀️)

I’ve have been sitting here all day trying to write about the constant monologue in my head. Some days it’s a soft hum, others a loud roar with thoughts spinning this way and that, struggling to settle on one complete idea before spiraling in another direction.

The loud roar is happening today, making it hard to write. Somedays I am so aware of my thoughts that it can affect my ability to focus. And as much as I wish meditation would work for me, the harder I try to quiet my mind, the louder the thoughts get. This idea that man’s inability sit quietly causes humanity’s problems isn’t quite accurate. I think it’s the inability to quiet one’s thoughts is one cause of humanity’s problems. Because if I’m in a room alone, my brain is most definitely not sitting quietly, and it can take me to some strange places.

It’s a wonder I haven’t lost my mind completely 🤪🤪🤪. This last year alone in almost complete isolation (thanks pandemic) has tested my ability to manage my sanity.

But, by being hyperaware of my thoughts I have inadvertently created a fun little party trick or two. You see, every so often someone will be telling a story and say a word or phrase that sends my brain whirling, and I will blurt out a completely irrelevant, unrelated thought within seconds. Now, this is where the trick comes in – I can actually track every thought that flitted through my head that lead me to my random outburst. It’s like a pinball machine with my thoughts bouncing around until it scores.

Let me give you an example – I might be talking to someone about paint colors, and they will mention the word blue then I will say “The Acropolis”. After a confused (and sometimes annoyed) look, I explain what the hell I’m talking about. My thoughts went like this, blue – ocean – sea – Poseidon – Athena – Parthenon – The Acropolis, ta da. Why? I don’t know, that’s just how my brain works. Neat trick, right? When I’ve done this in real life, people are amazed that I can track it so well. It’s a really weird sensation when it happens because I actually see the synapses firing in my head while it’s happening. If only I could only get my brain to fire like that all of the time… 🤔

However, with the pandemic, my skills are a little rusty since I can spend many days with just Reese (my dog) for company and her conversational skills are lacking at times. Again, damn this pandemic.

Thus ends my stream of consciousness blathering for today. At least the voice in my head is at a soft hum. Stream of consciousness 1, meditation 0.

Tune in next week when I talk about how my brain bombards me with incredibly intense, comprehensive dreams (I have occasionally written down my dreams and the amount of detailed imagery if freaky 😳😳).

Love, hugs and peaceful thoughts to you all.