11:00 a.m: I am having a day today and I don’t know why. My anxiety is palpable, and I am struggling to not let it overwhelm me. And it sucks.
I have applied a CBD gummy to the situation, and I am waiting for it to kick in. Soon I will take my insane dog, whose anxiety is feeding mine, for a walk in an effort to change the energy of my mood. I will also try a little horse therapy in an effort to back of the anxiety attack that is knocking on my brain right now.
I have been in my head a lot this morning and it seems to be feeding the little voice in my head telling me that I’m not good enough, or smart enough or just enough. Some days I can silence that stupid voice and sometimes it screams so loud that I can’t drown it out. It can paralyze me and make me question everything about myself.
I know that I will shake off soon and I will have to do damage repair from the negative thinking that is trying to crush me right now. And a I will let out the tears that are threatening to fall because sometimes you need a good cry to right the ship.
All of this with no direct cause that I can see for the negativity that chose to spin its web inside my head today.
This is a struggle I face on a regular basis. Many days I win, but somedays it gets the better of me. This is my reality.
So along with taking a walk and horse therapy, I will put on my daily playlist of upbeat music to try to shake this mood and I will say my positive affirmations to combat the destructive little voice.
In the end, I will be ok. That is the cycle of my anxiety.
Later that same day… shortly after writing about my panic attack, I took my dog for her walk, listened to music and waited for the gummy kick in. My self-care also included a “spa day” for my horse and I am feeling more balanced now.
So why did I write through my attack and decide to post it? One reason – to reach out to anyone feeling alone in their struggle, to say “I hear you, I see you and you are not alone”. Reason number two – I wanted to try to give a sense to those who have never had an anxiety (borderline panic) attack of what someone like me maybe going through. A look into the mind of, if you will. I often find it hard to explain how these attacks are different than simple stress that may keep you up at night so I thought if I talked through what was happening while it was happening, it could give you a sense of how debilitating it can be and the steps someone may need to take before it gets better. To try to give a voice to something that is so hard to explain.
Know that my goal is to provide humorous insights through my daily adventures. However, on rare occasions (like today) the humor will be set aside for a greater good of reaching out to those who need it. Please share as you see fit.
Love and hugs,
Me
My Lemons My Lemonade 