Let’s Talk About Monday

As those of you who follow me regularly know, I try to blog 5 days a week. I skipped this past Monday and in Tuesday’s post I had said that I would talk about the cause of Monday’s “black cloud”, and I think I’m ready to explain what living with depression and anxiety is like for me.

 First, I am still learning about the lasting effects of depression and the thought of going back into that kind of dark time again is frightening. So when the anxiety and oppressive feelings start to descend, I look for ways to prevent it from engulfing me. And I end up spending a lot of focus on my well-being, making it impossible to write in those moments.

Now, the cause of this last round of anxiety was the internal brainstorming session I was having in my head about a particular post I want to do. For those familiar with Grey’s Anatomy, the post was to center around the quote: 

“Don’t let what he wants eclipse what you need. He’s very dreamy, but he is not the sun. You are.”

Christina Yang to Meredith Grey

I was going to discuss my experience with being eclipsed (I still intend to in the near future), and I think that when I was mulling over the different approaches I could take, the process really pulled ugly, buried feelings out of me. And the cloud descended. And it took a few days to fully recover. 

I understand that I am a lot better than where I was a 3 years ago, but the possibility of relapsing into depression is real and that I need to be aware of the signs. I also need to learn to “give myself grace” as my therapist says for the times when I put my mental health first over other things in life (that’s why I related so strongly with Naomi Osaka’s story).

I love entertaining you with the humorous retellings of things that happen in my life but occasionally that process might come with a price, a price that I don’t mind paying if it helps someone in need 😊. I just have to take the time to recover is all❤️‍🩹.

And when that happens, I hope you will extend me the same grace when I may go MIA for a day or two. Because I will always be back 😁😁.

Now do me a favor and find some joy this weekend 💜💜💜.