You Are the Sun

Note: I will always circle back to topics mentioned in other posts 😊.

“Don’t let what he wants eclipse what you need. He’s very dreamy, but he is not the sun. You are.” 

Christina Yang to Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy

Somewhere along the way in my long-term relationship, I was eclipsed – my needs, my wants would consistently take a back seat to his career. And when I needed his support the most, he decided to end our marriage. He ended it because I couldn’t be his cheerleader during my mental health crisis. I was never meant to put myself and my needs first. 

It’s a situation that can develop in some relationships, usually over a long period of time. One half of the couple begins to think that their personal achievements are more important than their partner’s. And they want to partner to pick up the slack in the relationship and take a back seat to them, become a supporting player (season 10 and 11 of Grey’s Anatomy illustrates this beautifully).

Do I think he consciously maneuvered our relationship in that direction? I honestly don’t know. He had two “jokes” he like to utilize regularly that lead me to believe that some part of him thought that my role was to be second (well fourth really, behind him, his career, and the dogs) in our relationship. Those two “jokes”? The first was his belief in the Golden Rule – he who makes the gold makes the rules (eyeroll, I know 🙄) and the second had to do with to me getting a tattoo. He thought the only tattoo I should get is one that said, “Property of…” (like that was EVER going to happen 🤮). Now he would follow-up each “joke” with an “I’m just kidding” and I would just shrug it off with an admonishment. As hindsight is always 20/20, I can see that, whether consciously or not, I think he felt he was more important in the relationship than me. 

It’s not a belief that was said out loud but a pervasive attitude that, over time, wore me down and eroded my confidence. 

I was eclipsed, long before I realized it.

I tell this story, not for sympathy/empathy. I work on shining every day☀️☀️. I tell it because I don’t want anyone else to be relegated to a “second class citizen” in their relationship. I tell it so that you know that your needs and wants are just as relevant as your partner’s, that they deserve equal attention and support.

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.” 

Steve Jobs

I tell it so that you know that YOU are the sun, and YOU  deserve to shine.