I am lucky that I have two people in my life willing to let me say things incorrectly in order to understand how my view of certain events may or may not be hurting a marginalized community, because it’s hard to navigate sometimes.
The two people who are my guides on this journey? My friend Robb, who is part of the LBGTQ+ community and my amazing therapist, Dr. Markesha Miller, who is a person of color. They have saved me countless times from foot in mouth disease by allowing me the space to talk about things I sometimes don’t understand that affects their communities. And they help me become a better ally.
So, what is with the title, right? This comment was born out of a conversation I was having with my friend Robb about people who transition from one gender to another but then choose non-binary pronouns. We were having this over text, which loses a lot in translation. And I wasn’t being clear in my thought process. Now, what I was trying to say is can we allow for the fact that it is hard for people to understand having gender affirming surgery but choosing non-binary pronouns? What I actually said was something along the lines of how can you change genders but then not identify as that gender, why not stay the same gender as before if you’re going to be non-binary? Yes, I know I was wrong for how I said it (that’s why I’m grateful that Robb understands it’s not coming from bad intentions) and yes, I understand that for non-binary people gender is separate from identity. However, for me, gender is very much a part of my identity. Anyway, after a long back and forth, Robb sent me a screen shot of the book you see above, suggesting that I add it to my reading list. That’s when I told him I was as evolved as I wanted to be for now.
Is that a true statement? Of course not. I said it because my brain was hurting from trying to understand the nuances of this topic. And I have since realized that there are somethings I may not understand, and that’s ok, as long as I respect the person’s journey and do my best to not cause harm through my words or actions. That is where I landed on this issue for now.
Do I wish we lived in a society that didn’t factor gender, identity or color into how it treats people? Absolutely! Sadly, we aren’t there yet so for now I’ll do my best to part of the solution, whether I understand it or not.
We do however live in an ever changing world – a world where people can choose their identity which may not match the gender they present as, where microaggressions towards people of color are called out and rightfully so. For my part I am trying to recognize and unlearn some of these behaviors that may be harmful.
So as much as I say I’m not evolving, of course I still am. And mistakes will be made. The best I can offer is that the mistakes are made without malice and probably come from a lack of awareness more than anything.
And as I try to do better in this evolving world, I hope you, My Lovelies, will join me on this journey as well.
Peace and love to all 💜.
My Lemons My Lemonade 