What is a Sincere Apology?

BTW I’m perfect so I never need to apologize 😆😆😆.

Over the past few years, I have often heard, or read (Reddit’s AITA specifically) of people complaining about insincere apologies, when I thought they sounded genuine. And can you know if a person is sincere or not just based off an apology?

So, I wonder, what makes an apology sincere?

I asked my friend Robb this very question the other day. And he could elaborate on what doesn’t constitute an apology at all – any apology that starts with “I’m sorry if you felt …” or “I’m sorry if you misunderstood…” or “I’m sorry but…”. Really any time you add an if/but at the beginning of the apology, you are not really apologizing (these are also known as Housewives apologies 😜). But he really struggled with what makes an apology sincere.

Of course, how sever the incident is may color a person’s idea of a great apology, i.e. I hit you in the face with a ball by accident vs. I stole from you. And I get that. But people even have a hard time apologizing for an accident without laying blame on the victim – Sorry but you shouldn’t have been standing there 🤦‍♀️. 

But what do you need to hear for an apology to be considered genuine?

This is my idea of a great apology for something larger than an accident should include the following: I’m sorry + what exactly you are sorry for + acknowledgment it was wrong + a promise to do better in the future. For example, “I’m sorry I stole from you. It was wrong and I should never have done it. I will try to do better going forward/it will never happen again.” It shouldn’t be that difficult. And make sure to leave out any justification for said incident.

I think there are several reason people use the insincere apology excuse for not accepting an apology: a. so they don’t have to forgive the person; b. so they hold the incident over them for eternity/manipulate them; and c. they can play the victim to everyone around them.

While the last two reasons are appalling and would have me questioning a relationship with that type of person, the first is understandable. But what if we separate the acceptance of an apology from forgiveness? Would that make any difference? Or why not just say, I don’t accept your apology. But if you make that choice, don’t expect them to continue to apologize to you ad infinitum.

So, I ask you My Lovelies, what makes an apology sincere to you? And can you separate accepting an apology from forgiveness?

Let me know your thoughts. Comments, as always, are open 😁.