Hiatus

Greetings my lovelies! I am loooooooooooooong overdue in posting this, but I really needed a pause from writing my blog. I’ll try to explain why.

For those of you versed in the Bravosphere, you know last year on Vanderpump rules a huge betrayal occurred that rocked the cast (and fans) to their core. I’m not going to get into the whole of it  for now readers (it’s a lot) but google Scandoval if you’re interested in reading up on it.

The gist? Two cast members, Ariana Maddix and Tom Sandoval, were in a long-term relationship (9+ years). Near the end of the airing of 10 season in March of 2023 (it was filmed summer of 2022) it came out that Tom had been cheating on Ariana during the filming of the season and for several months after (no one is really sure how long as many a lie has been told during this whole mishegas) with a close friend of both his and Ariana’s. And they pick the camera’s back up and filmed the aftermath.

Let me tell you, I and many fans felt her hurt and anger in our very souls. She talked not only of the betrayal, she said she would have changed anything for him, been anything he wanted. And when talking to the friends that rallied around her, she spoke about how he was anger at her and blaming her for the cheating and the break-up. 

Words cannot describe how much I related to her during those moments. Literally, I cannot put into words how deeply I felt her pain. Or how much it dredged up for me.

Then post filming he continued to weaponize her mental health to bolster his position of how he isn’t a bad guy, he never meant for this to happen, while actively trying to make her look bad/set up for a break-up while filming. I could go off on a whole tangent on these points alone.

This is a small just a small snapshot of the insanity that occurred. There are many deep dives out there on this whole situation if you’re interested. 

For me personally it struck a really strong nerve and sent me into a quiet tailspin for some time. You see, while my situation was not exactly the same the similarities were too hard to miss. Especially him being angry at her for the whole situation and weaponizing her mental health. While I have no proof my ex actively using my depression to justify our divorce, I have a strong suspicion that he did. And he was so angry at me even though he asked for the divorce – make it make sense?!?

So all of this caused my intrusive thoughts to return, although I didn’t realize that until recently. You see my intrusive thoughts whisper so quietly in my head, I often don’t notice them. So I have to actively listen for them in order to combat them. So now I am working to dispel those ugly feelings that have been festering in my brain. And, shockingly, the current season of Vanderpump Rules (i.e. the aftermath of Scandoval and the second wave of nonsense) caused the whispers to turn into screams, hence why I noticed them 🙃🙃.

You see, mental health struggles can be triggered by the most unlikely things. It’s something I will continue to battle for the rest of my life. And that sucks. Going forward, I need to be more aware of the when the ugly voices that hide in the corners of my mind are starting their whisper campaigns so that I can actively silence them.

Part of that awareness is sharing my journey. It helps to get it out of my head, it normalizes talking about mental health and hopefully touches someone that needs to feel seen while they are battling their own issues.

That is my tale and it has been told. I look forward to writing more lighthearted pieces going forward, but occasionally deeper think pieces may pop in.

But for now I must run because my new Stephen King book is here and I’m anxious to get back to it 😁.

Peace ✌️✌️