Running late this week as I am just coming down from my euphoric tax high – but more about that in a moment.

First a programming note: for those who are following my not a recap of the Courtship, it will be late this week because the next episode isn’t until tonight at 1 am or so. I think it was pushed due to March Madness (and maybe ratings 🤔?) So I will try to get it posted by Friday 😁.

Now back to my tax high 😜. As you may recall, I sold my house and 158 acres last year – the house plus 58 acres and then the 100 acres separately. And I have been stressed about capital gains taxes on the land sale ever since 😬, (I did make a nice chunk of change on that). But then, because I was nice enough to float the homeowners a 50K “loan” for 6 months for 34 of the 58 acres, it too had to be surveyed and carved off of the house price as it was technically “sold separately”. Follow me so far? In short, I thought I would have to pay capital gains taxes on 134 acres just because in order to sell the entire property, it had to be cut up.

And I couldn’t understand why I would have to pay capital gains, when I had lived on and maintained the entire property for over the 2-year required period. And just because I had to carve off pieces, I was getting screwed? So I have been stressed out over this for months. I figured I was going to owe about 30K or more in capital gains taxes, plus whatever I owed on my investments. I mean if I was a drinker, I would have probably been drinking myself to sleep these last three months.

Last week, I finally bit the bullet and went to my tax prep people. They have done my taxes for the last 2 years and have been incredibly helpful (and a lot cheaper than the tax accountants my ex and I used). I sat down with Jeremiah and layed out the situation. He says “give me a minute”, tickity taps on his keyboard, asks a couple of questions and just like that NO CAPITAL GAINS 🥂 🍾! You see, since I sold the land within two years of the house sale – capital gains didn’t apply. Now, if I had made over 250K on the entire sale, then that would have been taxed for the overage. But I didn’t, so my “paid forward alimony” (the house and land) from my ex is tax free. Finally the curse of that property has lifted – oh happy days.

All that was left was my investments and since it was a wash – no taxes this year! Well excecpt I owe the state of South Carolina $40 🤷🏼‍♀️. Still better than the alternative 😬.

I went from being resigned to paying a hefty chunk of money to elation in the span of 10 minutes. I was so happy, I told Jeremiah he was a god among men, and I would marry him in a heartbeat (ok not really, but I was just so excited 🤩). 

And I’ve been in a euphoric state ever since. I’m finally coming off the high as the rest of my bills are knocking on my door (hello homeowners’ insurance). But I can’t even be mad about that because a) no taxes owed and b) as much as I loved my old house, the carrying costs were insane and I am financially more stable without it. 

This is why it pays to pay people who know what they are doing. Just saying 😉. 

And yes, tickity is a word damn it 😆!

Lately I find my brain is like swiss cheese – the following is a perfect example 😁.

Yesterday at 2 pm talking to my friend Robb: “Ugh I just watched the worst movie over the weekend. And I can’t remember the name of it 🙄.”

Today at 12:15 am, scrolling through Dish Guide, clicks info button about a show called Five Rings Film on the Olympic Channel. Featured is a documentary about Rulon Gardner. Me “Isn’t he a former Olympic Wrestler?” Yes, yes he is. Won Gold in the 2000 Sydney Olympics. That I remember 🤦‍♀️ (not the year, though I knew it was a long time ago, just the fact that he was an Olympic wrestler that won gold).

I then proceeded to get sucked into the story for about an hour of this 2-hour documentary. Send help 🤪.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day to my fellow Irish peeps 🐥! ☘️🇮🇪

Note: The name of the movie is The Empty Man (I searched my DVR to find the it because it was driving me crazy 😆). So much wasted potential, avoid at all costs.

So, I had intended to post a lighthearted piece on Friday. I had a draft and everything. And I couldn’t post it. You see I was attending the second funeral in as many weeks and my heart was full of hurt for my friends.

One friend had lost his mom after a long illness, another her husband (and father of her young son) after a tragic incident. Both struggling with the grief of it all. And when your friends hurt like that all you wish to do is take away their pain. But you can’t 😢.

Last Friday, the day of the 2^nd funeral, I “sent” my girlfriend 1 million hugs to get through the day. And afterward, watching the hundreds of people give their condolences to the family, many with hugs, I thought wouldn’t it be great if one hug could just take some of the grief off of a person’s shoulders. The more hugs the less grief. I know that if I could take some of either of my friend’s grief from them and release it into the atmosphere, I would hug them a million times over. And I know many of you would do the same for your loved ones as well.

It’s been a tough couple of weeks for the people I love. I wish I could go back and institute a moratorium on death, just to give these two back there loved ones. But, as we know, that’s not possible. Instead, I will keep them in my hearts and speak healing words for both families.

Note: If you or someone you love is struggling with depression or harmful thoughts, please, please get help before it gets worse. And know that you are loved, even by me. 

National Suicide Hotline: 988 (use like 911) or 800-273-8255. You can also chat with them online at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org Click the chat button in the upper righthand corner.

I am lucky that I have two people in my life willing to let me say things incorrectly in order to understand how my view of certain events may or may not be hurting a marginalized community, because it’s hard to navigate sometimes. 

The two people who are my guides on this journey? My friend Robb, who is part of the LBGTQ+ community and my amazing therapist, Dr. Markesha Miller, who is a person of color. They have saved me countless times from foot in mouth disease by allowing me the space to talk about things I sometimes don’t understand that affects their communities. And they help me become a better ally.

So, what is with the title, right? This comment was born out of a conversation I was having with my friend Robb about people who transition from one gender to another but then choose non-binary pronouns. We were having this over text, which loses a lot in translation. And I wasn’t being clear in my thought process. Now, what I was trying to say is can we allow for the fact that it is hard for people to understand having gender affirming surgery but choosing non-binary pronouns? What I actually said was something along the lines of how can you change genders but then not identify as that gender, why not stay the same gender as before if you’re going to be non-binary? Yes, I know I was wrong for how I said it (that’s why I’m grateful that Robb understands it’s not coming from bad intentions) and yes, I understand that for non-binary people gender is separate from identity. However, for me, gender is very much a part of my identity. Anyway, after a long back and forth, Robb sent me a screen shot of the book you see above, suggesting that I add it to my reading list. That’s when I told him I was as evolved as I wanted to be for now.

Is that a true statement? Of course not. I said it because my brain was hurting from trying to understand the nuances of this topic. And I have since realized that there are somethings I may not understand, and that’s ok, as long as I respect the person’s journey and do my best to not cause harm through my words or actions. That is where I landed on this issue for now.

Do I wish we lived in a society that didn’t factor gender, identity or color into how it treats people? Absolutely! Sadly, we aren’t there yet so for now I’ll do my best to part of the solution, whether I understand it or not.

We do however live in an ever changing world – a world where people can choose their identity which may not match the gender they present as, where microaggressions towards people of color are called out and rightfully so. For my part I am trying to recognize and unlearn some of these behaviors that may be harmful.

So as much as I say I’m not evolving, of course I still am. And mistakes will be made. The best I can offer is that the mistakes are made without malice and probably come from a lack of awareness more than anything. 

And as I try to do better in this evolving world, I hope you, My Lovelies, will join me on this journey as well.

Peace and love to all 💜.