My Lemons My Lemonade

Am I Gaslighting Myself About My Childhood?!?

Or maybe it’s more like the Mandela affect? Either way, I have two examples to make my point.

Have you ever sworn that you have a memory of something so clearly that it must be true? One thing I will swear to until my dying day is that IHOP had a mascot back in the 70’s – 80’s named Hoppy. It was, of course, a bunny. I remember it from commercials, I remember it being on the menu and on the picture they give you to color on as a child. And yes, I’m dating myself with this reference (well and the actual dates 🤪). Yet I have searched high and low via the internet and cannot find one reference for this mascot. I did however find a Miss Blueberry pancake mascot and a reference to a Susie Pancake (neither of which I remember) but No Hoppy.

And before you inquire –yes, I have asked others if they remember Hoppy and they give me look of concern about my mental faculties (they’re still intact as far as I know 😁). No one I know remembers Hoppy, including family. At this point even if they said they remember him (See? I even recall that it was a male), I’d think it’s just because I have created this false memory.

Another example is probably more of a me thing, but here we go! Recently, I was making a PB&J sandwich for lunch and I was getting annoyed that the ‘jelly’ (for sake of ease, I’m just going to use this term for jelly, jam and preserves) I was using wasn’t spreading across the peanut butter. And I realized that I have been complaining a lot lately (to myself that is) about this issue. And I started to think, I don’t remember it being this hard to spread jelly. Again, I would swear as a child, I would slap a slab of jelly on the peanut butter and smear it around without a problem. Nowadays it just seems to clump in spots and no matter how hard I chop at it to break it up. And I end up with way more jelly than I care for, plus it throws off the PB to J ratio (yes it’s a thing, as least for me that is 😜).

And I’m sure there are more things, but nothing comes to mind at the moment.

Now I am tempted to ask if I am crazy for remembering these things differently, but I feel like as soon as I got as far as “Am I crazy…” you would all just say yes so I’m not going there 😉. But it still begs the question – have I completely misremembered my childhood? Am I gaslighting myself? Or is it the Mandela Affect? Inquiring minds want to know 🤨🤨.

If you’re in the mood to comment, drop your own moment that you swore happened as a child but can’t back-up. Or it you truly remember the Hoppy the IHOP bunny, please tell me I’m not wrong.

Until next time My Lovelies…

PS – Interesting fact: I have a perfectly clear memory from my childhood that my mother has verified. What’s interesting about said memory is that I was FOUR at the time it occurred. So, not crazy 😁!

Hiatus

Greetings my lovelies! I am loooooooooooooong overdue in posting this, but I really needed a pause from writing my blog. I’ll try to explain why.

For those of you versed in the Bravosphere, you know last year on Vanderpump rules a huge betrayal occurred that rocked the cast (and fans) to their core. I’m not going to get into the whole of it for now readers (it’s a lot) but google Scandoval if you’re interested in reading up on it.

The gist? Two cast members, Ariana Maddix and Tom Sandoval, were in a long-term relationship (9+ years). Near the end of the airing of 10 season in March of 2023 (it was filmed summer of 2022) it came out that Tom had been cheating on Ariana during the filming of the season and for several months after (no one is really sure how long as many a lie has been told during this whole mishegas) with a close friend of both his and Ariana’s. And they pick the camera’s back up and filmed the aftermath.

Let me tell you, I and many fans felt her hurt and anger in our very souls. She talked not only of the betrayal, she said she would have changed anything for him, been anything he wanted. And when talking to the friends that rallied around her, she spoke about how he was anger at her and blaming her for the cheating and the break-up.

Words cannot describe how much I related to her during those moments. Literally, I cannot put into words how deeply I felt her pain. Or how much it dredged up for me.

Then post filming he continued to weaponize her mental health to bolster his position of how he isn’t a bad guy, he never meant for this to happen, while actively trying to make her look bad/set up for a break-up while filming. I could go off on a whole tangent on these points alone.

This is a small just a small snapshot of the insanity that occurred. There are many deep dives out there on this whole situation if you’re interested.

For me personally it struck a really strong nerve and sent me into a quiet tailspin for some time. You see, while my situation was not exactly the same the similarities were too hard to miss. Especially him being angry at her for the whole situation and weaponizing her mental health. While I have no proof my ex actively using my depression to justify our divorce, I have a strong suspicion that he did. And he was so angry at me even though he asked for the divorce – make it make sense?!?

So all of this caused my intrusive thoughts to return, although I didn’t realize that until recently. You see my intrusive thoughts whisper so quietly in my head, I often don’t notice them. So I have to actively listen for them in order to combat them. So now I am working to dispel those ugly feelings that have been festering in my brain. And, shockingly, the current season of Vanderpump Rules (i.e. the aftermath of Scandoval and the second wave of nonsense) caused the whispers to turn into screams, hence why I noticed them 🙃🙃.

You see, mental health struggles can be triggered by the most unlikely things. It’s something I will continue to battle for the rest of my life. And that sucks. Going forward, I need to be more aware of the when the ugly voices that hide in the corners of my mind are starting their whisper campaigns so that I can actively silence them.

Part of that awareness is sharing my journey. It helps to get it out of my head, it normalizes talking about mental health and hopefully touches someone that needs to feel seen while they are battling their own issues.

That is my tale and it has been told. I look forward to writing more lighthearted pieces going forward, but occasionally deeper think pieces may pop in.

But for now I must run because my new Stephen King book is here and I’m anxious to get back to it 😁.

Peace ✌️✌️

The Never-Ending Saga of My Dream World

Ok My Lovelies, if this dream doesn’t make you laugh, I can’t help you 😆😆😆.

The latest dream that I can recall – I am at some event where I am wearing a long dress with ankle boots (important to note, I promise) and I realize that I left my car keys in my car 😮. I head out to the parking lot to find it is both dark and snowing. And of course, there is a gap between the end of my dress and my boots. I noticed this because I had to walk through the snow to get to my car and my shins/calves felt the snow ❄️. As I approach my car, I UNLOCK IT WITH MY KEY FOB 🤦‍♀️! Worse yet, I open the car and look for my keys that, yes, ARE IN MY HAND 🤯🤯!! What the hell is going through my brain?!?

After realizing that I have my keys (nope didn’t even try to rationalize it in my dream) I start back to the building where the event is and suddenly, I’m walking uphill in the snow, and I can’t make any progress – it’s like walking through sludge. And even though I can see the building easily, I start to look for my previous tracks to find my way out of this mess (yep, the snow is coming down harder and is now blowing). My sleeping brain figured if I could back track through my own footsteps, I wouldn’t still be stuck. And even though I find deer tracks clear as day in the snow, my tracks have been almost covered over and are of no help at all. I am just trapped in snow that is only ankle deep 🤷‍♀️.

The dream fades and next thing I know I am packing luggage filled with pajamas (???) and that’s the last thing I can recall.

Now I’m pretty sure I know what the being stuck in the snow means – but the key part 🤷‍♀️?

As always, thoughts/diagnosis are appreciated 😜. Also, I hope you sleep better than I do 💤💤.

Side Note: 3-23-23 sounds like a lucky day – maybe I should get some lottery tickets 🤔.

Ode to a Shower

Photo by Augustinus Martinus Noppu00e9 on Pexels.com

Have you ever felt punch drunk after a deliciously hot shower🚿? Like a happy drunk just stumbling around without a care in the world?

Well, I had a glorious shower like that and it left me feeling so stoned last night 🤪. You see, I had been outside until after eight talking with a friend of mind, not realizing how cold it had gotten until the end of conversation and he was on his way home. I walked inside and realized my feet were frozen – the chill had penetrated my shoes 😮. Not to mention had hard I was shivering as well 🥶🥶.

So off to the shower I went. Now I didn’t start out too hot – just warm enough to get in. However, once I had entered the shower, I needed more heat to fight the chill. And I just stood there letting all that wonderfully hot water just pour over me and melt away the cold and stiffness I was feeling. Words cannot describe how amazing this shower felt – it transported me to such a serene place, I actually felt high/drunk (I literally stumbled trying to walk to my bed 😆).

Then, I just bundled up in my pj’s and robe (to preserve the warmth of course 😁) watched a little tv and fell into a deep 4-hour sleep 💤💤. Probably the best four hours I’ve had in a while. Unfortunately, my crazy dreams came back to haunt me and take away the last vestiges of joy left over from that glorious shower. But I shall never forget the peace and serenity it left me with, if only for a few hours (patented dramatic sigh in 3…2… 😮‍💨)

I could go on waxing poetic about how much I enjoyed this shower, especially since I didn’t feel rushed to get it over with and on to my next task, but I think you get the drift 😁.

And how was your night?

XOXO – Me

Mea Culpa

Forgive me My Lovelies for I have lapsed; it’s been many weeks since my last blog 😁 (just because I don’t follow a religion doesn’t mean I can’t still pull certain things out of my ass to parody 😜).

Yes, I realize that I have been m.i.a lately and I will tell you why. There have been a series of events combined with some turbulent thoughts that have put me in a place where my writing wasn’t coming out the way I had intended and was taking a decidedly unkind tone. I was not wanting to put that energy out there, so I took a pause.

You see the last post was three days before my birthday (I turned 54 for those wondering – no shame either) and I had been waiting a week or so to hear about a job that I had applied to that I felt I was quite perfect for. But it had been crickets as far as a possible interview went, and what made things worse is I know the people involved in the hiring process and I am friendly them as well as with many of the employees. Now I know I have a large gap in my work history, but that doesn’t mean that my skills are lacking. Plus, you know, life experience!?!

And the longer I waited the harder the hit to my self -confidence. I also started getting really angry at myself for having put myself in this position (of being SAHW for so long). You see, I should have continued working in some capacity, but the larger my ex’s career loomed the more I took on at home. I was lulled into a sense of complacency until my world was yanked out from under me in 2018.

So, I have spent most of the last month furious at myself for being in this situation and I have tried to move through it, but the thought that “did this to myself” has been raging inside of my head a lot over the past 6 weeks more or less. Should I put the blame elsewhere? Maybe/probably 🤷‍♀️. But my brain is working overtime to convincing me that I am completely at fault for my circumstances, and I have been trying to push through with mixed results.

Therefore, I am working from the premise that not getting that job (found out a little over a week ago, they hired internally, and it looks like that was the plan all along 😡) was done for me not to me and that it wasn’t the right move at this time. So, I am back to trying to figure out what I am good at and good for 🤪.

As a result, I am going to work on sharpening up my writing skills and start back at my blog. Let’s see how rusty I am, shall we?

I am also going to continue putting out positive energy and partaking random acts of kindness because it does my soul good 🥰.

But, before you all start to worry, I am still doing well financially. I just need more in my life, and it would be good to cover some of my expenses along the way 😁. Also, know that I am not looking for pity, just understanding from you, My Lovelies.

So that is my “tale of woe”. The lessons? Sometimes our brains are our own worst enemies. And always keep one foot in the workforce…

Love and hugs – Me 🥰🥰🥰

She is the Sun and she is unstoppable!

Sincerely, Christina Yang
Grey’s Anatomy

Something is Afoot 🤔

There is something weird happening in my house and it has to do with my cutlery. When I packed and moved in 2021, I had every piece of my everyday cutlery – 8 soup and tea spoons, 8 salad and regular forks, 8 knives and an 4-piece serving set.

A few months after I moved in, I noticed I was missing a knife 🙄. Now I am the only person who lives here and while I have guests, I pretty much am the only person using said cutlery. I counted the rest of my silverware, and it was all there so I chalked the missing piece up to a moving loss because where else could it have gone?

Well, this week I am now missing a salad fork 😮! I had 8 last week and now I’m down one and I have no ideawhere it went. I checked the dishwasher several times, looked through my cutlery holder and drawer, still nothing 🙄. And before you ask, no I did not drop it down the sink – believe me I would remember that because garbage disposal 😆.

Therefore, I am left with a mystery worthy of Sherlock Holmes, hence the title 😜. Seriously, am I just losing my mind? Or are we thinking gremlins? It’s just so weird!!!!!

And I know when I post this, that damn fork (and probably the knife) is most likely going to reappear just as mysteriously it they disappeared. That’s how it works in my world 😆😆.

All I can say is there is a place between realms where my silverware is being shuffled off to and I’d like it back!

So, My Lovelies, while I spend my weekend mourning (too dramatic? 😁) for long lost cutlery, I hope you have a fantastic weekend.

XOXO – Me 💜💜

P.S. Guess what? This is my 300^th post – YAY ME 🎉🎉

Karen Move or Reasonable Request?

In this day and age, it seems as if you even dare to complain about an issue, you are labeled a Karen, even though it’s usually meant to identify a racist or selfish white woman. And this issue in not about either of those things. So, I put my it to you, My Lovelies – Would I be a Karen for making the following request?

Background: I live in a neighborhood with more than enough off-street parking on a 2-lane road that with ample room to pass comfortably. And while the driveways could be a little wider (mine is because I requested it in my contract 😁) they are long enough to fit 4 cars without hanging into the street. The extra parking is right across the street in the field, and there is a lot of it.

On to the annoyance – a few houses down from me is a neighbor whose driveway is wider than mine to accommodate his many cars. No problem there. However, he has been parking one of his vehicles on the street in front of his house instead of across the street. Ok, slightly irksome but no big deal. The problem occurs when the daughter’s boyfriend, who is a frequent visitor, also parks on the street right across from the neighbor’s car, narrowing the roadway to just over a car’s width (giving me about three feet on either side of my Toyota Highlander for reference). Apparently, he doesn’t like parking in the grassy field because his car is too low (he parks two wheels on the grass). Fine you don’t want to park on the grass but is it too much to ask that you don’t park directly across from another car when the rest of the street is devoid of cars? Or park on the same side of the street? Is that really so hard to do?

So, would it be an unreasonable request to ask them to adjust their parking plans to make it easier for the rest of the neighborhood? Or is this a me/Karen thing?

Full disclosure, I am not good at confrontation (which I worry this would turn into) so I’m not sure I would actually comment to said neighbor. But if I did, would I be in the wrong?

I await your verdict 😁.