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As night follows day, the last of the anxiety (and I suspect a small bout of depression) has washed back out to sea for the time being. On the plus side, the episodes are nowhere near as frequent as they used to be. But when I am unprepared, they do come with a small cost. Just the price of being me I guess (insert one of my famous dramatic sighs here 😁).

So, I did take my own advice (sort of) and spent the weekend mostly caring for my mental health. Saturday, while the landscaper was working, I went to see my horse, Sabre and lasted about thirty minutes in the heat/humidity (it was brutal at 10:30 am 🥵) before heading home to check the status of my backyard. It may be hard to see in the pictures above, but trees were taken out by the pond, opening up the view, and a retaining wall was put in. The next phase is to seed the area below and possibly on the side of the retaining wall with winter rye in the fall to give it some ground cover, then seed with centipede in the spring, as well as putting some plants in above the retaining wall. I’m not sure the steps on the right are going to stay, I don’t know that I like the looks of them 🤔. What do you all think?

The downside of Saturday? The bug bites I sustained while talking with my landscaper 😡. My legs look like a weird outbreak of chicken pox. I guess I should take it as a sign that I have tasty blood. Good thing vampires aren’t real, right?  🧛🏼😱

My Sunday plans went off without a hitch. I spent most of the day just relaxing until I had to meet my high school friend for dinner. Did I mention I had to drive an hour and a half one way? It was the closest he was going to be to me, so I piled in my car and took off. It was really a nice drive up to Charlotte, especially on a Sunday as the traffic was light. We spent two hours or so catching up and I realized, thanks to FB memories, that’s it only been about 9 years since our last visit. Better than 12 years, but still not great 😬. Definitely worth the drive though 😊.

Tomorrow I hope to be back to my not so cutting-edge humor that I’m sure you all come here to read (self-deprecation to the end 😆). And you know what we may need to discuss? I’m in Love with a Mama’s Boy! It’s back and I am here for even more WTF nonsense from these mothers and sons, so buckle up my lovelies 😁.

Note: I’ll take pictures looking up to the house soon.

I realized that my anxiety and the 🐜s have one thing in common. The mere thought of either summons them for a visit 🤬.

Over the weekend, I was relishing the fact that it had been quite a while since I had an anxiety attack. I was also relieved since I hadn’t had the chance to replace my CBD stock. And then Wednesday night falls and I have one of the worst attacks in forever. Like heart racing, with a side of overwhelming sense of doom, late Wednesday night. I couldn’t fall asleep because it was fairly intense, even after I was able to get it under control. So there I sit, flipping between channels waiting for the melatonin to kick in so that I can get some 💤💤💤.  I wasn’t even going to try to write yesterday because the post attack stress was still with me.

However, I found some relief from two independent sources yesterday. First – I was able to close out the loan I made to the owners of my old property. Picked up the check and signed off on the paperwork and I am free of that hell 🥂! Next – I popped over to my favorite CBD shop where the lovely young lady who works there had her new little puppy there and I was bombarded with unconditional love and joy from little Cookie, a dachshund mix. Puppies, like babies, have the bestest smell. And her joyful energy was contagious 🥰🥰. I spent the better part of an hour or so just chatting with the young lady and playing with the dog. Best fix ever! Now before you think I am being disloyal to my dog, she is ten and her energy is very different than that of a six month old puppy. A girls gotta take the unbridled affection where she can get it 🤷🏼‍♀️😁.

All of this is to say that anxiety is no joke and when it becomes debilitating, you have to look for ways to move through it. It’s two days later and even though I’m a lot better, there is a lurking sensation that it might not be over yet. By acknowledging the sensation, I am better prepared to handle the next episode, should it happen.

As for the 🐜’s, I found one crawling up the wall in my office yesterday (again on the second floor). I can’t even use an emoji without summoning those god forsaken demons 😡. It’s like the movie Candyman 😳😆.

So my lovelies, self-care is the word of the day, week, month. Do something good for yourself this weekend 😊.

Do you ever just sit and watch the world unfold in front of you? 

Somedays when I sit in my office waiting for the words to come, I just stare out my window and silently observe what’s in front of me.

What kinds of things do I observe? Well, there’s the pavilion and public restroom, as seen above. Sometimes the restroom doors are open all night, lights on (my bedroom closet overlooks the same buildings) and somedays they are closed but I never see anyone approach the building, so I wonder who is opening it? 

As for the pavilion, there is a silver car that regularly drives up to it, where the driver parks, gets out and takes a seat. Occasionally the driver Is joined by other people, and I’m curious, what is so significant about that space that the silver car visits it a couple of times a week? To be sure there are other cars that stop over there, but the silver one is the car I clock the most. Odd 🤔.

And while I was working yesterday, I saw what I thought was a stray dog running joyfully in the field and behind the pavilion. I got up to see if the owner was around when a man strolling and scrolling comes into view. I watched as he lost complete track of the dog, which at this point looked like it might dash into the woods. I watched as the dog took a dump while the man was still trying to get eyes on it (I had the better vantage point 🔭) and then I got pissed because how hard is it to leash your dog or at the very least control it with voice commands? It is not the first time I’ve observed irresponsible dog ownership from my window. And yes, he finally spotted the dog, but what happened next is anyone’s guess as I was distracted by my phone and when Iooked out again, they were gone (probably leaving the dog droppings behind 🙄) Children live around here, so be a responsible owner.

Then there are the drivers who also can’t seem to understand that children live in the neighborhood and speed by daily.

I have watched families walk/ride by, a pregnant woman who walking her dog (on a leash 👍) when it’s cool enough, the mailman that, at times, driving up and down the street making multiple passes/stops. And then there is the man who likes to hit golf balls in the field for hours though he’s been a bit absent lately, I think due to the heat and humidity.

This is just a piece of the world that unfolds in front of me 😊.

I think I should have been a sociologist 😁.

Note: Word flags pissed, yet has no problem with ass? So weird.

Note: For those who are newer to this blog a little up-front info – computers/computerized electronics hate me. I think it’s something in my chemical make-up 🤪.

I’m going to tell you a story that is in no way exaggerated. Played for comic effect – yes, exaggerated – no 😁.

Act One: The Problem – It started around 8 pm on Friday. I pick up my trusty mobile phone to search for something online when my phone won’t connect, which is weird since I’ve never had that problem at the new house. I switch over to Wi-Fi and search for outages in the area (which is never easy to find let’s be honest) and I find a link to Verizon support, but I have to login to “chat” with them. I was not in the mood to start a chat (that is never less than 30 minutes🙄) at 8:30 on a Friday night. Also, I had to go upstairs to get on the computer to pull up the password putting me even less in the mood. So I stayed hooked into the Wi-Fi figuring if it is an outage, I’ll wait until Saturday, no biggie, plus I have my IPad.

At this point I thought just the internet was down. Then I try to send a text. It tells me the text will send when I’m connected to the network 🤔. So, I try making a call and the same message appears, but I can make an emergency call if needed (phew 😮‍💨). At this point I’m like what the f🤬🤬k, my phone is totally cut off!?! I still decide to give it the night and check Saturday morning.

Act Two: Problem Still Unresolved – Saturday morning, no change. Now I’m have to text chat with them to find out the problem. First chat, I get the digital assistant (i.e not a real human, just a program designed to provide links to basic questions), no help whatsoever. I try again and I get a live(ish) person, who walks me through basic troubleshooting steps, to no avail. Now a ticket has to be submitted to check for outages and I’m still without a phone, aaaarrrrgggghhhh. At this point your thinking I have options – download what’s app or something similar and voila! However, if I can’t connect to a Wi-Fi signal, I’m still screwed.

I decide to venture away from home to see if it’s only a problem near my house. I visit my friend at the library to see if I would get a signal there and (drum roll please🥁🥁🥁) NOTHING! At this point it’s getting ridiculous. Time to visit the local Verizon store.

Act Three: From Bad to Worse 🤦‍♀️– I pop on over to Verizon to see if they have any answers. At this point I have restarted the phone twice, once after resetting the network settings, and nothing changed (the SIM card was not flagged as an issue, fyi). After the employee takes all the steps she can, it’s determined that the phone’s connection to the network is shot (don’t ask me how 🤷🏼‍♀️, seriously she couldn’t tell me how 😆) and I need to upgrade my phone, which is almost 3-years-old at this point. I knew it was time, but I wanted to change over when I was ready (stupid, old phone 😡). I also decided to join the Apple revolution after years of being an Android user. And since I have an Apple computer and an IPad, it just made sense.

I pick out the phone and we are halfway home, right? Of course not because it’s me and nothing computer related ever goes as planned. The first issue was on Verizon’s side, where it would kick them off the network once the phone was activated (this happened to a few customers while I was there). Reset network settings, restart phone, try again. This worked for everyone else EXCEPT me (I really can’t make this stuff up 😆😆). Turns out the random phone she grabbed for me – bad SIM card. Replace the SIM card and we have service 👏👏👏! She then downloads an app that will allow data to be transferred from my previous phone to the new one – the app refuses to cooperate (I’ve been there about 2 to 2 and a half hours at this point). She grabs the techiest person that works there, he gives it a shot then chooses a different app because the first one refuses to cooperate (I’m shocked, shocked I tell you 😜) and starts the transfer. 5 minutes later voila! Back in business 🍾! All in all it took over 3 HOURS just to buy a phone 😳. It was as bad as, if not worse, than buying a car 😬😬! 

Finished by putting the tempered glass protective screen and the protective case on (I tend to drop my phone a lot🤷🏼‍♀️). I also added a “pop socket” (two words I never would have thought I’d use 🤣🤣🤣) that is quiet fitting for my blog (see blog pic for reference). 

I finally walk out the door and the insanity is over, thank the goddess 🙏🏻.

Do you now believe me when I say computers/computerized electronics hate me? Because this was a whole new level of craziness for me.

And here I thought it would be my computer that I was replacing next. I’m sure the clock has started on its life expectancy 😳…

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As usual, I have a few writing ideas in my head, but they are not fully formed yet, so I thought I would share random thoughts floating around instead so prepare yourself 😳!

First the photos for today’s post. Those are the before pictures (well middle pictures – step one was bushhogging the crap out of it) of my back lot transformation. It begins next week, so we shall see what happens. That large tree looks ripe for a tree swing, that’s for sure. The only thing I’m debating is whether to seed it or leave it natural and mow as necessary – decisions, decisions…

Random thought #1 – ever since I drove myself mad listening to the saddest songs in Grey’s Anatomy history I have had two of the songs stuck in my head all week. I actually love both songs but if I don’t get the ear worms out of my head, I may go insane (I know I’m already halfway there – just beating you to the punchline 😜). Seriously, they are both beautiful songs so the links with video are below.

Snow Parol’s Chasing Cars  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgUzJlr2tr4

Brandi Carlile’s The Story sung by Sara Ramirez (I love this version ♥️)  https://youtu.be/wcg6cLauF3w

Random thought #2 – Facebook memories are great, until they aren’t. Just when I think I’ve edited or deleted all of the references to my ex in my FB memories, another one pops up. Or an ex-adjacent post rears it’s head. So this jury is out on the pop up memories until I edit/erase all necessary posts.

Random thought #3 – Is swearing like a sailor really an accurate description anymore (I googled examples – there weren’t any good ones). Because I think Salma Hayek’s aggressive swearing in both Hitman’s Bodyguard movies would put the most hardened sailor to shame. That woman seriously knows how to string together some insanely descriptive insults 😆.

Slightly less random thought #4 – I just had my Imac looked at by Apple back in March and they said that it still had a decent life span left. However, the more updates they do, the weirder things get with my computer. So, I’m back to looking into a replacement in the next few months instead of in the next year I think, ugh!

Slightly less random thought #5 – The day is coming for the owners of my old house to pay me for the land I financed for them. I got a call last week and the attorney said they were looking to settle this week, then crickets. I am hoping for a simple exchange, but those who have followed me long enough know that nothing has been simple with this property. 🤞it goes smoothly.

So those are the thoughts keeping me up at night 🤪. Hope your brain isn’t torturing you like mine is 😁.

Have an amazing weekend my lovelies 💜.

My paternal grandmother had my father later in life, so as a child she always seemed old, especially compared to my maternal grandmother. I don’t have a lot of memories of “playing” with my grandmother, probably because we didn’t. And I didn’t realize at the time that her way of showing me and my sisters (her only biological grandchildren) love was through her food. My grandmother was a great cook and an amazing baker. Her specialty in my mind? Peach cobbler 🤤🤤🤤. Her peach cobbler was heaven sent I tell you. And I have never tasted one like hers since she passed, and I have tried many during my search 😆. Frankly, I’ve stopped sampling cobbler’s because I am always disappointed.

However, this weekend I ate something called a peach enchilada that was the closest taste to her cobbler than I have ever had (they had a cobbler there but it was more of a crumble in my opinion). And I am now on a mission to try to recreate her peach cobbler using the peach enchilada as a jumping off point. You see, she didn’t write down her recipes (she also made great divinity candy 😊). She baked from scratch and by memory, so no one in the family has it to my knowledge.

Therefore, I am on a journey to reconstruct my grandmother’s cobbler. I’ll be honest, I am not much of a baker, but with some help from my mom, I really hope we can figure out the secret and so that my sisters and I can keep her memory alive for the next generation. And eat LOTS of peach cobbler 😁😁😁.

Attention will be paid ♥️

Note: Check out Mcleod farms recipes at the following link – https://www.macspride.com/recipes