When I got married, I hadn’t wanted to change my name. My dad had three daughters, so his name would not be carried on past us and it was a part of my identity. But my ex was pratically apoplectic that I wouldn’t take his even though I tried to explain why to him (but it’s tradition he said 🙄). I compromised on a hyphenate. And one of the first requests he had during our settlement agreement conference was asking me to give up his name! A name I had compromised on 22 years earlier when I had really wanted to keep my last name 🤯.

And I said no. Did I choose to keep it out of spite? Partly yes because I wanted him to write ever alimony check to that name 😁. But the primary reason I kept my current legal name is I didn’t have the energy to change everyplace my name was hyphenated and it’s a lot! Now if I could have just popped the name change into a system that would globally alter my name wherever it appeared, I would have said “sign me up”. But you see it’s not that simple. 

Here is just a partial list of places I would have to change my name: Social Security, DMV, bank accounts, credit card accounts, online accounts (running about 20 accounts right now), utilities, passport and Global Entry, property records, tax records, medical insurance (and with the ACA it is not a simple process), car insurance, homeowner’s insurance, and that’s just for starters. I’m sure I’m missing quit a few more. I’ll bet you’re dizzy just looking at the list. Imagine having to work your way through it 😵 (this is supposed to represent a dizzy face in case you were worried 🤣)!

So for now I’m keeping the hyphenate. Which brings up a different set of challenges of course 🙄.  You see when people see a hyphenated name, many will shorten it – to the second name in the hyphenate (strangely enough, the CVS where I live always listed me under my family name 🤔). When I was married, I would do that socially because it was easier. Now my preference is to use my family name, which is complicated to pronounce, let alone spell 😆😆. So instead of asking, people just assume that it is ok to choose how my name will appear. And it can be a real pain in the ass to get places/people to change it!

Fortunately, my friends have made the adjustment easily (and with a fair amount of glee, I might add 😜). It tempers the times I have to fight with others to get my name corrected.

Some may think this is a silly battle to wage, that it’s just a name. But it is my name, and I should be the one to choose how it appears. And I’m betting there are more than a few of you that feel the same about your own name 😊. 

I used to be an avid watcher of Judge Judy. I think because my ex got me hooked on watching her originally, I’ve stopped watching over the last few years. That and they changed the time, which I never seem to remember 🙄😆.

But having watched her enough I can safely say I have learned from her show, and I thought I would share those lessons with you.

• Never, ever have a roommate if you can avoid it (this could potentially include partners). Why? Because if you choose poorly, you are stuck with that person until the lease expires or you con some poor sucker into subletting making you an asshole (yep MS Word flagged asshole 🤣🤣🤣).
• If you do opt for a roommate, WRITE EVEYTHING AGREED UPON DOWN ON PAPER from what everyone is expected to pay, chores, partner sleepovers bathroom schedule, groceries, if it’s acceptable to have parties etc. Whatever is important to you, get it written down, signed (in blood perhaps 😆) and notarized by all parties, present every roommate with a copy (maybe post a few around the apartment/house) and hide the original just in case things get ugly and you end up in court. Trust me, if/when I live with someone again, this will be addressed 😁.
• If someone (particularly a romantic partner) says they will pay for you to accompany them on a trip, record the entire conversation because you know if something doesn’t go the way they hoped, they are going to want you to cough up your share.
• Document every transaction that involves money changing hands. When someone says “show me the receipts” you just pull them right on out save yourself the aggravation 😊.
• Know the laws in your state regarding engagement rings and broken engagements if the ring is expensive enough that someone might file suit to get it returned. If it’s a family heirloom, no matter how mad you are, do the right thing and give it back.
• Attitude with a judge will get you nowhere and may work against you!
• As Judge Judy likes to say, “if you tell the truth, you don’t need a good memory”. It gets hard keeping lies straight 😜.
• If you’re winning the case, don’t add any unnecessary information – you may do more harm that good (I’ve seen that happen more than once on her show 😬).
• With any kind of contract, read everything very carefully before signing ✍🏻. A lesson I’ve learned the hard but thankfully not to expensive way.
• If you think a situation is squirrelly 🐿, document, document, document.
• And the most important lesson I’ve learned, STAY OUT OF COURT if you can. And if you can’t, make sure to hire a great lawyer!

Just a few helpful tips to share (some I’ve actually utilized 😮). I would love to hear about lessons you’ve learned from your favorite Judge show. Comments are always open and welcomed!

I Tapped Out Last Week

Sorry my Lovelies, but I tapped out on Friday. I spent three days, Wed. thru Fri., battling demons (well ants – same thing really 😜) and after spending hours trying to control the issue, being bitten by those bastards, being near tears after the third invasion, and having nightmares because of them (and my ex – whole other story 😳), I just couldn’t write. I was this side of a complete meltdown because of those damn things.

Side note: MS Word really doesn’t like swear words, it keeps flagging them when I write. Today it’s bastards and damn that has it up in arms 😆.

Thankfully my bug company sent someone out Saturday to help (and by help, I mean he better kill them all 🔪) after I called them Friday nearly in hysterics. And although I’ve seen a few scouts since then no full-scale invasions like last week 😮‍💨. You better believe I am watching like a hawk for sure.

Before I close this portion of craziness out, let me give you a little tip or two – vinegar does not kill ants, even though some sights claim it will. Vinegar also did not appear to erase the pheromone tracks they leave or even prevent them from coming in after I sprayed the baseboards, as was suggested. And stay away from sprays that have natural oils in them. While they may work well, they will leave an oily mess and f🤬🤬k up your walls (yes, I have a couple of spots to fix thanks to a particular spray I picked up 😬). 

Takeaways from today – Ants really suck when they get into your house, vinegar is useless against them, and ant bites are annoying!

My short but sweet public service post for the month 😘!

Note: I would type out F🤬🤬K but a. I’m already annoyed by the flagging of curse words and b. I love this 🤬 emoji 🤣🤣🤣.

Yep, I crawled right back into my book yesterday and didn’t want to come out until I finished (spoiler alert, I did late last night 😁).

Unfortunately, I kept having to crawl out and back in because I had a massive ant infestation that I was dealing with off and on all day (partially why I didn’t post). Luckily, I got rid of most of them when I found them first thing in the morning all over my island, blasted mother f🤬🤬🤬ers! But they kept coming back throughout the day no matter what I did! I tried to track their path, but they were everywhere – kitchen, living room, back hall, front hall – but mostly in the kitchen! So, I sprayed the doorsills with ant spray, the baseboards with vinegar and vacuumed the crap out of the downstairs and they still kept coming, albeit not as badly as the morning’s troops. I found a few today (after having nightmares about another invasion 😱), but I don’t know what spurred such a massive manifestation yesterday. Reinforcements may need to be called in if I can’t get in under control. 

I also spent most of today cleaning up the aftermath of spraying the evening ant assault (I was running around spraying anything that moved – except Reese 😆) and killing any leftover ants I keep finding.

My book was a welcome distraction between attacks and counterattacks. It’s been about forever since I powered through 460 pages in two days, and it was GLORIOUS! It was also the only thing keeping me sane during the invasion.

I’m beginning to think that the curse on that damned (hah – MS Word flagged damned 🤣) property is ricocheting back to me (although the distance seems to have tempered it somewhat 😮‍💨). Time to visit my local spiritualist shop for some help. With the curse that is, not the ants 😜. I’ll share my purchases when I go 😊.

Note: If you are looking for a series with a strong, independent, yet flawed (I don’t like perfect protagonist), female lead that surrounded by equally interesting supernatural characters, check out Kim Harrison’s Hollows series.

Like a good mystery, this post takes a turn…

I did something I haven’t done in a long time; I fell into a book and got lost trying to get out 🤪. Even though I had just finished another book by one of my favorite authors (that I thoroughly enjoyed) I didn’t fall in, get lost and force myself out to do the most basic of things – sleep, eat, bathe, take care of the dog etc.

The book is the latest in an ongoing series that I have read for years, and I have missed my friends. It’s only been a year since the last book came out, but there is something about the world of the Hollows that pulls me in (willingly 😁) and I find myself lost in the story, not wanting to put it down.

I started last night, read from ten until one (boy I struggled to put it down) and have spent the majority of today glued to my book. And I’m going back to it as soon as I post 😆.

Why do I wax poetic about falling into my book? When I was at spiraling in my depression, I couldn’t get interested in a book to save my life (figuratively speaking), and reading is a lifeline for me. Had I known that loss of interest in things you enjoy is a big red flag for depression, I might not have spiraled for as long as I did. So, when I’m in a reading slump, a little nugget of worry that the depression is returning slips in.

But then a book comes out, like the one I just bought, that squashes that worry in a big way and reassures me that I’m doing ok (well that and the copious amounts of crying outburst over the smallest things on tv, but that’s another story 🤣).

If you think you are struggling with a possible bout of depression, choose one hobby that sparks joy and spend some time on it, see if it can help beat back that feeling. Get lost in your happy place! And be sure to call your therapist if needed and practice self-care. I’ll be here cheering for you 📣!

Note: The book – Million Dollar Demon by Kim Harrison, the next in the Hollows series which began in 2004. Check her out if you’re interested 😊.

A little lighter fare today 😊. 

I never thought I’d let a boy wrap me around his finger again. But along came this little man (excuse me “big boy” in his words), who stands 3 1/2 feet tall, who HATES wearing pants and he can get me to do just about anything for him 😆😆😆.

“Carry me over to mommy” he says. Now I’m not that big of a pushover so I ask why I have to carry him and instead of telling me he doesn’t have shoes on (we were outside) he says, “because you want to”. So of course, after I stop laughing, I pick him up and haul him all over the yard until we reach his mom, who then helped him switch to a piggyback carry because he is really heavy to carry in my arms (to be clear, he is not overweight, but at almost 4 feet tall and I think close to 50 lbs., it’s hard to carry him like a smaller child 😜)

Other commands I had to obey yesterday? “You come with me now!” “More puppy videos” “We go to my playroom” and so on. Now I give him a little pushback, just because his expressions are so funny when I do, and he gets more forceful in his demands. But as I told his mom (my sister) aside from hitting, he can do almost anything he wants to me, and I will go along with the program. Rest assured there are pleases and thank you’s with most commands, he just prefers to order me around instead of ask 🤣🤣🤣. That 4-year-old has waaaaay to much power 😳.

I should also mention that as bossy as he can be, he always wants to help. He likes to give water to my dog and feed her, he will walk her on her leash, with little to no help and he always helps mommy around the house, from cleaning to helping carry food to the table for dinner. And he takes pride in his tasks which is so awesome to see.

I will say, sometimes he has to wait for my attention (which just makes him bossier 😁) and he has a penchant for trying to throw me out of the house because he wants to walk Reese to the car, but the love he gives in return is worth all the orders in the world. And that’s why I love being an Aunt 💜.

That was my Father’s Day, how was yours?

Note: My sister and BIL do not want pictures posted of my nephew and I completely respect that boundary.