My Lemons My Lemonade

Dream a Little Dream Interpretation With Me

It’s that time again my lovelies – dream interpretation day! I know you’re excited so let me tell you about two recent dreams I’ve had and let’s see what you think they mean, especially the second one 😁.

Before I tell you about the first one, a little context. There are 3 recurring themes in some of my dreams: 1 – I’m back in high school, 2 – I’m back in college, and 3 – I’m at work. Each have their own themes within the larger theme. The first dream I’m going to recall relates to #3 – dun dun duh! But with a twist on the workplace.

Usually when I dream of work, it’s set at the domestic violence agency I used to work at. This last work dream, I was back waitressing which hasn’t happened before, that I recall. Now on to the dream.

I find myself in the dining room of what appears to be a sort of bar/restaurant situation. In the middle of the room is a long table with some of my relatives at it. They are waiting on others to arrive, so I don’t have to do much for them at the moment and they are good with that. There are tables around the edge of the room and a bar top counter sticking out near the kitchen entrance -kind of an extension of the pass. I’m trying to wait on the other tables but I keep misplacing my order pad so I head toward the kitchen to look for it, running into the bar top on my way (because that is just something that I would do – misjudge the turn 🤪). The chef is trying to give me an order, but I hadn’t taken any yet so I tell him it can’t be mine. I grab a yellow notepad, determined to get caught up with my tables and walk back out to my section which has been completely filled while I was gone for a few minutes. Although bonus – George Clooney is now one of my customers as is another famous person, that I can’t quite see in my dream. Weirdly, my family table still only has three or four people out of about 20 expected. I try to figure out where to start with orders and sectioning off my notepad. I become increasingly flustered because I can’t seem to figure out a system to get organized and there are no other wait staff in sight. I start to panic, and I wake up.

Upon waking up, I inexplicably shuddered violently. I wonder if I had been so panicked in the dream that my body responded and tensed up so much that when I woke up that my body shook trying to get rid of the feeling. It was a very uncommon reaction for me, and the sensation stayed with me for most of the morning.

The second dream is a little shorter but a whole lot stranger 😆. I was looking down on an arena floor from what appeared to be a skybox. The floor had what looked like a target shaped track (🎯 like this but without the dart 😁) on it made of panels that raised and lowered at various points so that anything moving on the track could fall in if they didn’t pay attention to the moving panels. While watching it operate my darling (yet still crazy) dog Reese starts running the pattern of the track and the panels start to shift. Next thing I know I’m down on the track trying to catch her and she falls under one of the moving panels. I rush over and pull her out by her scruff (yes, my dream was that specific 😜). She wriggles free, runs off and falls under another panel, necessitating a second rescue 🙄. This time when I reach in my hand is in a toilet drain type situation. Reese appears next to me, and I am pulling a puppy out of the drain that looks like her. And…. I wake up, thankfully.

That is how my sleeping mind works. So hit me with your best interpretations and have some fun with it. Just leave out the notion that I want another dog just because a puppy appeared in the dream – I am good right now on the pet end of things.

I also encourage you to share your nighttime fare. I can’t be the only one whose brain is more active while sleeping 🤣🤣🤣.

Happy 101 to Me 🍾🥂

I know most people celebrate 100 as a milestone. Well, I hit 100 posts yesterday without realizing it until WordPress congratulated me 😆😆. I knew it was coming up, but I missed the mark, so I’ll commemorate my 101^st post instead 🥳🎉🎊.

This blog has been a journey to create but I have loved (almost) every minute of it. And while I realize some posts may not hit the mark, I hope that most provide laughter and inspiration for those who read it.

Today will be short and sweet but I did want to share something that happened yesterday that made me actually snort with laughter that I think you will appreciate. Yesterday I left the house to go grocery shopping (ugh – but that’s another story for another day) and as I walked outside there was literally a black cloud over my house (see Let’s Talk About Monday for reference https://mylemonsmylemonade.com/2021/06/11/lets-talk-about-monday/) and I thought “well played goddess, well played”.

So, I will end by saying thank you for following me on this adventure and for your supportive comments/likes along the way. Hopefully one day soon this will turn into something more (shameless plug – sharing is caring, so share away 😊).

And now I’m off to buy the latest book release I have been waiting for in honor of my 101^st post (who are we kidding, I was going to buy it anyway 🤪)

XOXOX, Charleen

You Are the Sun

Note: I will always circle back to topics mentioned in other posts 😊.

“Don’t let what he wants eclipse what you need. He’s very dreamy, but he is not the sun. You are.”
Christina Yang to Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy

Somewhere along the way in my long-term relationship, I was eclipsed – my needs, my wants would consistently take a back seat to his career. And when I needed his support the most, he decided to end our marriage. He ended it because I couldn’t be his cheerleader during my mental health crisis. I was never meant to put myself and my needs first.

It’s a situation that can develop in some relationships, usually over a long period of time. One half of the couple begins to think that their personal achievements are more important than their partner’s. And they want to partner to pick up the slack in the relationship and take a back seat to them, become a supporting player (season 10 and 11 of Grey’s Anatomy illustrates this beautifully).

Do I think he consciously maneuvered our relationship in that direction? I honestly don’t know. He had two “jokes” he like to utilize regularly that lead me to believe that some part of him thought that my role was to be second (well fourth really, behind him, his career, and the dogs) in our relationship. Those two “jokes”? The first was his belief in the Golden Rule – he who makes the gold makes the rules (eyeroll, I know 🙄) and the second had to do with to me getting a tattoo. He thought the only tattoo I should get is one that said, “Property of…” (like that was EVER going to happen 🤮). Now he would follow-up each “joke” with an “I’m just kidding” and I would just shrug it off with an admonishment. As hindsight is always 20/20, I can see that, whether consciously or not, I think he felt he was more important in the relationship than me.

It’s not a belief that was said out loud but a pervasive attitude that, over time, wore me down and eroded my confidence.

I was eclipsed, long before I realized it.

I tell this story, not for sympathy/empathy. I work on shining every day☀️☀️. I tell it because I don’t want anyone else to be relegated to a “second class citizen” in their relationship. I tell it so that you know that your needs and wants are just as relevant as your partner’s, that they deserve equal attention and support.

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”
Steve Jobs

I tell it so that you know that YOU are the sun, and YOU deserve to shine.

Taking Back My Favorite Things

Like raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, damn it I’m taking my favorite things back!

The other day So I Married An Axe Murderer (1993), one of my favorite movies (no it’s not a great movie, but I love it just the same) and I realized that I hadn’t watched it since the split because it was a date movie of ours that we both loved. It made me realized that I had been avoiding things that I enjoy because of the memories associated with him and the sadness it gave me.

Well not anymore, because I am reclaiming them all in spite of him! And, as a form of encouragement, I’m declaring this the year of “Reclaiming My Favorite Things” (ok, the title may need some work 😁) for anyone who has avoided a beloved movie, band/singer, location, or anything else associated with a past toxic relationship (friendship, romantic or familial) that ended. No more letting the person who hurt you keep you from enjoying something because of their past association with it.

It’s time to write them out of the scenario so that you can enjoy yourself without the pain. They don’t get to take your favorite things from you for one more day – it’s time to reclaim them!

🦘 I’ll start – when I was 41, I took an amazing trip to Australia for a week (and I wish it could have been longer). One of the best experiences of my life and I hope to go back one day 🦘.

🍿 I can’t wait to watch So I Married An Axe Murderer the next time it’s on. In fact, I think I’ll tape it (ok I mean record, but I can’t be the only one to use this vernacular still, right?) it so I can watch any time I want 🍿.

🎶 And I would love to see the Bare Naked Ladies in concert at least one more time, because they are fantastic live 🎶

See, it’s just that easy 😁. Now it’s your turn to take back a favorite movie, song, band, memory etc. so sound off in the comments!

Note: Open to suggestions on what to name our reclamation tour 😊.

Let’s Talk About Monday

As those of you who follow me regularly know, I try to blog 5 days a week. I skipped this past Monday and in Tuesday’s post I had said that I would talk about the cause of Monday’s “black cloud”, and I think I’m ready to explain what living with depression and anxiety is like for me.

First, I am still learning about the lasting effects of depression and the thought of going back into that kind of dark time again is frightening. So when the anxiety and oppressive feelings start to descend, I look for ways to prevent it from engulfing me. And I end up spending a lot of focus on my well-being, making it impossible to write in those moments.

Now, the cause of this last round of anxiety was the internal brainstorming session I was having in my head about a particular post I want to do. For those familiar with Grey’s Anatomy, the post was to center around the quote:

“Don’t let what he wants eclipse what you need. He’s very dreamy, but he is not the sun. You are.”
Christina Yang to Meredith Grey

I was going to discuss my experience with being eclipsed (I still intend to in the near future), and I think that when I was mulling over the different approaches I could take, the process really pulled ugly, buried feelings out of me. And the cloud descended. And it took a few days to fully recover.

I understand that I am a lot better than where I was a 3 years ago, but the possibility of relapsing into depression is real and that I need to be aware of the signs. I also need to learn to “give myself grace” as my therapist says for the times when I put my mental health first over other things in life (that’s why I related so strongly with Naomi Osaka’s story).

I love entertaining you with the humorous retellings of things that happen in my life but occasionally that process might come with a price, a price that I don’t mind paying if it helps someone in need 😊. I just have to take the time to recover is all❤️‍🩹.

And when that happens, I hope you will extend me the same grace when I may go MIA for a day or two. Because I will always be back 😁😁.

Now do me a favor and find some joy this weekend 💜💜💜.

That Cursed Property – the (Almost) Final Chapter

I had to go back and look at my texts to be sure of the date this last round of hell started.

On MAY 7^th the lovely Jeanene and I were informed that the paperwork for the quit claim deed was allegedly incorrect (I say allegedly because I thought the closing lawyer was wrong). I was very confused as I had taken the form (prepared my ex’s lawyer in 2019) to the County Clerk’s Office myself and had it recorded, so it was not possible because they accepted it!

In a series of texts and phone calls it was discovered that the paperwork was prepared wrong. See if you can follow this: There is a provision when you buy property with another person called Rights of Survivorship – “it means that the property shares of one co-tenant are transferred directly to the surviving co-tenant (or co-tenants) upon their death. While ownership of the property is shared equally in life, the living owners gain total ownership of any deceased co-owners’ shares.” And when you do a quit claim deed the paperwork has to establish that the joint owners deed the property to the single owner (basically meaning we have to deed the property to me in layman’s terms). With me so far? Oh and no it was not brought up during the sale of the house and 58 acres (seems the first attorney chose to overlook it🙄).

How do we fix this you ask? By contacting my ex of course and getting him to re-sign a new form, witnessed and notarized that I also need signed in front of a witness and notary 🤦‍♀️. And at this point I know that I CAN’T call him (remember that thing I did back in February when I thought I was done with him?) because there is no way he will answer me. So, the closing lawyer agrees to contact his attorney and work it out with them (which I’m sure I’ll pay for at closing 😬) This was around May 10^th. Now we are supposed to close before the end of the month, which means May 28^th at the latest. 18 days should be doable, right?

Lo and behold the issue has been resolved and we are set to close, supposedly (May 12^th text). I text Jeanene “Btw I’m not getting ready to kick that football yet, Lucy” and then the waiting began for an actual date.

May 24^th – no date set yet, so I reluctantly check in. Seems that my asshat ex had not returned the paperwork and we cannot close without it 🤬🤬🤬. Apparently, he was out of town the week before, but his lawyer said he mailed it out that day (Monday for reference).

Tuesday, June 1^st (the eventually scheduled closing date) we got nothing. June 2^nd– have my dad contact him politely asking when and where he mailed it. He stated that he mailed it the previous Monday to his lawyer, so we left it alone. It finally shows up June 4^th (remember it was allegedly sent on May 24^th) and we get the word – we are CLOSING!

Only, HA HA jokes on me – he didn’t have it notarized or witnessed!!! I wish I was making this s🤬🤬t up! The new buyers can’t believe it (thankfully they realize it’s not me causing the problem), Jeanene can’t believe it. Me? I was both surprised and not surprised. Oh, and the closing attorney – out of town for two weeks – so no help there 🤦‍♀️! And my ex’s attorney, who caused this whole mess in the first place, has decided she is done dealing with Jeanene/us on this whole thing. AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!

But I got the last laugh as the title company took into account that I had the original (if wrong) quit claim deed, my divorce decree (which apparently they must have pulled 😳) and the new, if unwitnessed, signed form and we officially closed today, thanks to another attorney stepping in 🍾🍾🍾!

That isn’t to say we didn’t have a moment or two at the closing where the new buyer actually said if he couldn’t get a satisfactory response to some alleged issue I didn’t even know about, he was not ready to sign today (joke would have been on him though because I would have walked from the deal 😆😆). It didn’t help that his demeanor was a lot like my ex’s 🤢. Luckily for him he came to his senses and the transaction was completed (well completed after they had to redo the paperwork since they misspelled my first name, because of course 🙄 🤣🤣). Don’t even get me started on how they screwed up the tax proration 😜😜 (it was way higher than it should have been – it was resolved)!

I share this story, not only to amuse you with this ridiculous tale, but to share the wisdom I’ve gained from this entire experience. In my long history of buying and selling homes, these two sales (House and 58 acres and the 100 acres) have had the strangest, most convoluted issues to overcome. I hope I never encounter anything like this again.

Things learned from this process: you can’t get a conventional loan for a house with more than 24ish acres (unless you are putting a large sum down); always use a real estate attorney for anything property related; a quit claim deed does not take you off of the mortgage (not something I encountered but just knowledge that I have 😊); problems can happen when selling property, so be prepared; always read everything closely, mistakes can/do happen and the devil is in the detail; and an amazing agent can make the whole difference, whether you’re buying or selling.

The only piece left is for the owners to pay off the 50k loan I extended to them by the end of August and that chapter of my life will finally be over! We’ll call this The Final Chapter – let’s see if that goes off without a hitch 🤞(based on the history I’ve had with this property, I’m doubting it will go smoothly 😆).

Mad love goes to Jeanene – I’m not sure many real estate agents would have gone the distance on this one 🤣🤣🤣.

Note: If you’re interested in reading the entire saga, click the tag at the bottom Selling, Buying Moving 😁.

I Got Nothing

(Except videos 😊)

I had a post all set to go today, wrote it up last night and everything (still needs a little editing). Unfortunately, the post hinges on a particular event that needs to happen and that I thought was scheduled today but kind of missed the fact the day was altered along with the time (which I did notice) when I got the follow-up text. In a nutshell, I thought I was closing today at 11, but I missed that it was moved to tomorrow at 11 🤦‍♀️ 😆.

Therefore, I used up all of my words yesterday and spent the majority of the afternoon either staring at a blank page or starting paragraphs that went nowhere or searching for inspiration online (ok, avoiding writing 😁).

You see, I’m the kind of writer that will get stuck if I don’t have the right opening line. It was a real challenge in school sometimes because I can’t write around the first sentence. Any other part of a paper or story I can work around, but I am stuck at the beginning until I write the precise first sentence 🤷🏼‍♀️.

That is the beast that is writing, or at least the way I do it 🤪.

Instead, I will share with you videos of two of the loves in my life 😁😁. Sadly, I don’t have any incriminating videos of my niece or nephews to post (the other loves of my life 💜).

She loved that ball, which got lost in the move I think.

Getting her scratch on

Feeling her oats!