Well, I had a day yesterday and it wasn’t good. I had every intention of posting, even ruminated on possible topics while cooling off under the fan post shower (it’s been 100% humidity for the last week or so and trying to stay dry long enough after a shower to get dressed is challenging at times). And then I dozed off while ruminating 😆. Unfortunately, a dark cloud decided to descend on me during my nap and I could not shake it off all day.

You see, I had gotten cocky lately. I hadn’t had an anxiety attack since the last one that I documented here and had been feeling really balanced emotionally, thinking that maybe I has finally overcome the worst of my anxiety. Then I got that notion smacked right out of my head yesterday 🤦‍♀️. And even though I didn’t have a full-blown panic attack, it sat below the surface all day and well into the evening hours making it difficult for me to concentrate on writing, hence, no post.

So, instead of allowing the anxiety to overwhelm me so early in the day, I decided to try to change the energy surrounding me by getting out of the house. I started with lunch at a local restaurant, and I brought my latest read with me, something I haven’t done in a long while. After lunch I decided to check out a bike shop to see if I could find a bike so that I can finally start riding for exercise (remember – Youthful Body Journey 😁). But the best of intentions was thwarted when the shop owner gave me the bad news – what he had in stock (which was about 10-15 adult bikes) was all he had 😮. However, he was kind enough to show me a new brand that he is will be stocking as soon as it’s available. I really like the style, so I left my number so he can contact me as soon as they come in, so yeah me – sort of 🤪!

After that stop I thought I would try a little retail therapy, but that too was a bust – definitely not my day. I headed home with the cloud of doom still hanging around. I think an actual attack would have been better, but I was really trying to stave it off for a change. And while I’m pretty sure I know what the underlying issue for the stress was, I’m not quite ready to talk about it just yet (still trying to shake off the gloom – but doing much better today 😊). I will try to explain by weeks end because I think (hope) it will resonate with you.

Since I like to leave things on a good note, I will leave you with these three nuggets: 1. Due to my vaccine shot, I feel like I can make real plans to travel soon! 2. I actually went back into a movie theater this week to see Cruella Deville – good movie, but worth watching for the little dog Wink, who I now want 😍😍😍 and 3. If you are looking for something different to watch, might I suggest Extreme Sisters on TLC (yes dammit, they sucked me in again 🤣🤣). If you ever wanted to know what co-dependency looks like… Again, it’s like a wreck you can’t look away from.

And if all goes according to plan, I can add the final installment to the Cursed Property storyline tomorrow. Until then, I am saging the crap out of my house and myself 😁.

Note: I love my wildlife 🥰🥰🥰. And yes I need a better phone camera 😁

I got my final Covid vaccine today – YA ME! But I have a feeling that I will be completely useless in about an hour (1 pm east coast time) or less, so I am going to get a few random thoughts out before I fall asleep for most of the afternoon.

Random thought #1: I was watching the premiere of Family Karma (yes reality tv “I love it, it’s my thing, let it go” -Miranda Hobbes, SATC 😆) and one of the cast members discussed getting Covid, which impacted his 😊Crohn’s, and he became depressed as a result. At the same time, he and his fiancé were fighting a lot and she broke up with him. Now she has a very alpha personality, as did my ex, and I wonder if alpha personalities see weakness in people with depression/mental health issues (with my ex, it wouldn’t surprise me 🙄). It got me wondering: causation, correlation or neither? Thoughts 🤔?

Random thought #2: About a month or so ago I picked up The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse by Charlie Mackesy for a variety of reasons, but especially to read to my darling nephew the next time he comes to visit. It is such a sweet, short story with beautiful lessons sandwiched between his art. I hope you will consider checking it out. https://www.charliemackesy.com

Random thought #3: This is more of a follow up than a random thought. When I wrote the piece on Naomi Osaka, one thing I couldn’t understand in all of my reading was what caused her to drop out as she had addressed accepting fines for skipping post-match press conferences. Here is the rest of the story. And those officials should be ashamed of, and punished for, their despicable behavior 😡😡😡. https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2021/06/02/naomi-osaka-mental-health-french-open-violated-law/7493794002/?fbclid=IwAR3G6TZWU4wJt79Im69ceR_zk7RaBo1W1QekitciekZlUvjjSkY1N6PdosI

Random thought #4: One day soon I will learn to do a better job with links and embedding videos 😁.

Random thought #5: Whether you’re laughing with me or at me, at least you’re laughing and I’m ok with that 🤣🤣🤣.

Last random thought for the day: I have said this before, but I think it needs to be said again – I don’t care who you vote for in any election. Even if I disagree with your choice, I stand by your right to vote. Can you say the same thing of your legislators? I know I can’t. End Voter Suppression!

So those are the things running through my brain today, the good, the bad and the ugly. If you need to purge your thoughts too – the comment section is always open 😊.

Note: 1:04 and I’m about out of it… To be posted later 🤪

I was hoping to finish my story on the sale of the property, but alas the curse continues thanks to my ex. I am so close to finishing this damn process and so far away at the same time. Keep holding out hope for me that this ends soon and that no exes were harmed in the process (which if he lived in the same state as me, might have happened by now 😆).

As we are post Memorial Day here in the states, I hope that those who lost loved ones because of their service to our country had time to mourn and also celebrate the person you lost. My heart is with you today 💜.

Onto the real post of the day. Last night, I contemplated many topics of discussion in my head as I was trying to sleep (as usual 😁), and I found myself pulled back again and again to wanting to talk about Naomi Osaka and her decision to pull out of the French Open due to mental health concerns.

I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for her dealing with bouts of depression and social anxiety on a world stage. Her initial comment about needing to skip post-match press conferences because of her mental health garnered derision from the hosting body itself. And while she has gotten some amazing support, as always there were people out there criticizing her, some going to far as to call her a brat and a diva. Let me repeat that – she was called a BRAT and a DIVA by certain members of the media (Piers Morgan and conservative commentator Candace Owens – who later deleted her comments) because she chose her MENTAL HEALTH over press conferences and the French Open itself. 

The governing body of the French Open (the French Tennis Federation), instead of trying to work with her to reach a compromise that didn’t involve jeopardizing her mental stability, chose to castigate her in the press instead. And in doing so stigmatized mental health even more.

As someone who has suffered both depression and anxiety, my heart breaks for those who may struggle to seek help because of the negative commentary around celebs and athletes with mental health issues. We have just come off a year fraught with challenges and we need to be more supportive and encouraging of those struggling with any mental disorders that affect their everyday lives.

If you are struggling, I am here to support you in any way that I can.

And those who aren’t supportive/understanding, you can f🤬🤬k right off.

As for myself, I am sending healing vibes to Naomi and hope that she is in a healthy place soon. And kicking ass again when she is ready.

When I was going through my divorce, I had a lot of support. I also had a lot of people telling me what I needed to demand from my ex. I know it came from a place of love and concern, but some people (particularly my divorced friends) were pushing me to ask for things that I didn’t feel comfortable with – the “take him to the cleaners” mindset.

Now at the time I didn’t know about the mistress wife and my lawyer suggested hiring a P.I., probably something I should have considered. And it may have changed a few things in the divorce decree (I certainly wouldn’t have agreed to let him store his shit at the house for 6 months had I known he was house hunting with her 😡) but ultimately, I had to focus on what felt right for me. I may have been angry about the situation, but I couldn’t be vindictive because that is not who I am, and I had to be true to my own nature.

I’m not going to say it wasn’t a struggle for me to determine what was I thought was fair during the negotiations. So, I “phoned a friend” during the process – my brother-in-law Doug. He was the best neutral third-party person I could think to call. Even though he was totally supportive of me during the divorce, he was also the least invested emotionally out of all my family (and friends really) and could provide unbiased guidance and a calming presence. It was the right call and it helped me make the decisions that were right for me.

I know some of my friends and family struggled to understand why I was so reasonable about the settlement offer. Primarily because it was a mostly fair offer. I could have asked for longer health insurance coverage or maybe another of year alimony (which had I known I was going to be single longer than I thought, I might have 😆) but for the sake of my mental health, it wasn’t worth fighting over in the long run.

The point of today’s story? All divorces are different. And sometimes well-intentioned friends, family, or even your lawyer, try to nudge you in directions you may not be comfortable with. You should let your own inner voice dictate how you need to handle it. I would just like to advocate for reason over vindictiveness as it’s better for your inner peace in the long run 😊.

The other thing I learned from this process is to be mindful of myself when I think I know what’s right for someone else and try to tell them what to do (my sisters will readily agree with this 😜). It’s a bad habit I am working to overcome and now I try to make suggestions or recommendations that may provide solutions. And you will see that in posts to come.

Speaking of recommendations, I do have one to share. If you are dealing with any kind of partnership split (personal or professional) consider finding at least one person that can be a voice of reason for you and can provide emotionless guidance during the formal part of separation so that you can stay grounded. And maybe not your lawyer – they like to win, and that’s good, but they may not be the voice of reason you need at tense moments in the negotiations. It was a role my brother-in-law gratuitously stepped into, and I will always be grateful for that. 

Starting todays post by sending out love to three friends who recently lost family members and saying, “Congratulations Mia” (who is like a niece to me) on her high school graduation.

Sometimes the littlest things in life bring me such joy and motivation. Like this frog (I think I’ll name him Froggie B for reasons one other person will understand 😆).

Last night I found that this little frog had climbed (hopped?) its way up the back of the house, onto the porch then up the back door, where I am sure it was enjoying a feast of bugs, especially after I turned on the outside light to take the pictures. All in all, he had to have scaled about 10 feet or more to get to this spot on my back door. And I was impressed 🤩.

The amount of energy it must have taken to make the journey. I barely like climbing the stairs to the second floor somedays and this little bugger did this. I think it was trying to shame me into losing weight 😜, and it might be working (see motivation 😁)!

It’s moments like this – the unexpected critter just hanging around outside of the house, the kids in my neighborhood being kids, walking outside and finding perfect weather (which it was for about 2 hours this morning, then 🥵) – that are a reminder to notice what in this world brings you joy. 

I love moments like this.

And I share this joy, this love with you in case you needed it today.

Note: I was once told by a man from Japan that frogs are sign good luck. If that is true, I hope in sharing the pictures of my little frog, it shares some luck as well 💜.