My Lemons My Lemonade

One Step Closer to World Domination

And I will be known as the Goddess of All That Is. And I will be a benevolent Goddess. Unless you piss me off ⚡️⚡️⚡️.

Ok, not really, but I did complete the last task of ridding my ex from my life, minus the name change (still debating that one 🤔). I finally went to the DMV and removed his name from my car title 🎉🎉. It may seem like a small thing, but it really needed to be done because every year my car registration comes up for renewal, there’s his name taunting me. So, it needed to be done and I trudged over to the DMV, filled out the forms, dutifully waited my turn and then with a few keystrokes (and $25 dollars, of course 🙄) his name is no longer attached to my car. 😁.

However, in an ironic twist of fate, as far as I know, I am still on the title to his classic car 😜. How do I know this? Well first, he still has his car registered here in SC at his mother’s address (long story…) but the title lists our previous address, including my name. So, while the registration renewal for the past two years has gone to his mom’s address (sent by the DMV), he renews it online with the county (they collect the taxes) the tag and registration are sent to the address on the title, because the County goes by the that address. Make sense, sort of? Therefore in 2020 and 2021 I received his registration card and sticker at my address. But last year was the last time I was ever going to make sure it was returned to him. And given the fact that the mail forwarding has expired (yep that damn thing was forwarded to my new address 🙄), he had better figure something out because it’s not my problem anymore 😁. Not that is should have been in the first place, but when you’re a nice person, you make efforts 🤷‍♀️.

So, for now, I am disconnected from him. Until retirement that is, but that’s story for another day 😁.

As for world domination, that’ll have to wait for another day My Lovelies. But don’t worry, you will all be taken care of when the new regime is installed 😊. See? Benevolent 😆😆.

Not a Recap – I Love a Mama’s Boy S.3 Ep.7

Now that I’ve cleared out my DVR, I can settle in on I Love a Mama’s Boy. A few things come to a head this week and one girlfriend hears some hard truths from her family.

Mom Nancy, Robert, and Kristy: Last week we left off with Kristy telling Robert that a) he was letting her down as a husband and their daughter down as a father and b) she will not continue to live her life like this re: another slap in the face like the paternity suit (the guilt trip is strong in this one 😆😆). This week we are celebrating Robert’s win at Nancy’s house. Now normally Kristy doesn’t go to his family events because of drama (a nice way of saying his family treats her like s🤬🤬🤬, esp. Nancy) but she makes an exception today and if you’ve paid close attention the past 6 weeks, you know this is going to be a crap fest. Wow even his brother and aunt are assholes to Kristy – wtf? I think Nancy has brainwashed everyone into thinking that Kristy is some horrible person when all she did was marry Robert. Ridiculous 🙄. And then things come to a head as Kristy tells them that she knows about the request for a paternity test, and they are shocked (shocked I say 🤪) she knows. At least Robert was smart enough to not pull this off behind her back as his mom expected. They thought she wouldn’t find out?!? YOUR ON A TV SHOW FOR GODDESS SAKES!!!!! And now Nancy is praying that the youngest isn’t her son’s daughter – who does that????? I have disliked numerous people on reality tv over the years, but this woman takes it to a whole new level! She is just so spiteful and hateful; I’d be surprised if she has any fans 😮. And if that wasn’t bad enough, Kristy says she’s going to feel stupid when it comes back with Robert as the father, Nancy then claims Kristy must have been worried it would comeback saying he wasn’t the father otherwise she wouldn’t have done the test 🤯🤯. Rock – Kristy – hard place. Let’s be clear – Kristy only did the test to prove Nancy wrong and Nancy is still trying to turn it around on her. A huge fight ensues and to Robert’s credit, he has his wife’s back. And now Nancy wants to “whoop her ass” if the paternity test proves what she suspects. Again, WHO DOES THAT?!? Nancy proclaims Kristy to be evil – yep you read that right – after she is the one who treats Kristy poorly, tries continually to break up her family, threatens to beat her up (my money’s on Kristy 💵) and claims that Kristy cheated on Robert because his daughter doesn’t look like him and Kristy is evil? Am I living in the upside-down world? Robert and Kristy take off, with Robert saying he needs space from Nancy. Which lasts all of about ten minutes as Nancy insists on driving over to their house, to talk to Robert. She pulls into the driveway and just lets loose on her horn until Robert appears (she did text that she was coming over, but she didn’t have to beat on the horn 🙄). Robert very clearly states he is choosing his family and that he a time out from Nancy (holidays only). It ends with Kristy in tears in the bathroom and me crying with her 😢.

Mom Laila, Shekeb, and Emily: The last we saw of them, Emily was screaming that Shekeb was a cheater and Yusura was a homewrecker. And I still feel bad for Yusura (for the moment – “still to come this season” scenes aren’t painting her in a good light 😬) because she was dragged into this whole situation unwittingly. But Yusura isn’t in this episode, so onward. Shekeb decides to make it up to Emily by taking her horseback riding, even though she’s afraid of horses 🤦‍♀️. Nothing says I’m sorry than forcing someone to do something they are terrified of 😒. Props to Emily though she gets on the horse, and I know that is not easy – horses can be scary (I know this because I own one that can be difficult/scary at times). And once he has her trapped on the horse, he apologizes. Not on the ride up, but while she is TRAPPED ON A HORSE SHE IS TERRIFIED OF. I’d forgive anyone anything if they would let me get away from the thing I’m terrified of 😳. And the poor horse lady is stuck in the middle of the whole apology/arguement because she can’t leave her babies with unskilled riders (yep, I’m more worried about her and the horses than this trainwreck of a couple 🤷‍♀️). Emily calls him out and asks him to stop making his mom happy by going on dates with other women. And, in case you forgot they live together, so I don’t think it’s too much to ask him to stop dating other women 😆. But since he can’t seem to agree to that, Emily decides to go on a date with someone her brother set her up with – a little turnabout is fair play situation. But she didn’t tell him she had a boyfriend until halfway through the date. And while the guy seems nice enough (and cute 🥰), he realizes he is just a pawn in this stupid game that Shakeb and Emily are playing. These two need to stop bringing other people into their drama 🙄. At least she had the decency to feel bad. And now were back on the whole Shakeb is my soulmate 🤮.

Mom Kelly, Matt, and Brittany: Matt and Kelly are having movie night and I guess dad isn’t allowed to join? In reality, I don’t think he wants much camera time, or to cosign Kelly’s crazy behavior and I say cheers to that 🥂. As per usual, Kelly is acting weirdly sexual around her son 😬 (no I don’t think there is anything going on, it’s just WEIRD, like Esther and Ethan) and Matt is excusing her atrocious behavior. Kelly is complaining Brittany was rude to her and she doesn’t like her “sharp edge”. Matt believes that just because his mother is not a fan of Brittany’s, there must be something wrong with her that she is just not seeing. No, Matt, the thing that’s wrong here is your mother. And, of course, Kelly thinks Matt could do better 🙄. Well, I think Brittany could do better, Kelly.

Mom Lorenda, Tre, and Abbey: RUN ABBEY RUN!!!! Sorry, had to get that off my chest. This week, Abbey is visiting her friends for the night, while Tre holds down the fort at home with their son and some of his friends (I hope he’s a better parent than partner 😒). Lorenda comes around, peeking in windows to make sure Abbey isn’t home then invites herself in. And then proceeds to bash her for not being there to spend time with Tre, apparently because Abbey isn’t allowed to have a night to herself 😡. This mom is a piece of work. His friend from last week gently tries to intercede on Abbey’s behalf, stating they can find a solution that works for both women, but it falls on deaf ears with Lorenda. Lorenda claims that as a single mom, she is just so used to doing everything for Tre, as if that excuses her behavior. In reality, you have turned him into a helpless adult – let him learn to do things for himself! Learned helplessness – look it up 🙄. Next thing you know she’s plugging her grandson’s ears so she can say nasty things about Abbey but changes her mind and sarcastically says to the child he has a good mama, and the men laugh because they know she doesn’t mean it – which is wrong on so many levels. Next, we find Abbey visiting her family, lamenting about the fact that although Lorenda isn’t coming around as much, Tre is still prioritizing his time with his mom over time with her. They give her a little tough love talk. They love Tre, but don’t think he is not mature enough for a relationship and self-absorbed, “he does whatever he wants whenever he wants”. Fundamentally, they were raised very differently (Tre – woman does everything, Abbey – equal partnership) and that isn’t sustainable long-term 🤷‍♀️ (I speak from experience 😉). I know that they’ve been together for ten years at this point, but they are still in their early to mid-twenty’s. To keep this up for another ten years would probably break Abbey, in my opinion. We end with the producers asking Abbey what she’s going to do, and her response is “I don’t know. Don’t ask me that, I’ve been asking that for the last ten years.”

And so ends another f🤬🤬🤬ed up episode of I Love a Mama’s Boy. I am rooting for Abbey, Brittany to wise up and find someone better for them. I also hope that Robert and Kristy work out as he is one of the few guys on this show to stand up to his mother – at least for the moment. Fingers crossed 🤞.

If you are looking for more dysfunctional family relationships, sMothered season 4 starts next Monday at 9pm on, you guessed it, TLC 😁. This is basically I Love a Mama’s Girl 😆😆😆.

Lastly, click the I Love a Mama’s Boy tag below catch up on other Not a Recap. Until next week, peace ✌️.

Recurring Dream Theme No. 4

In a past blog, I talked about the three main recurring dream themes I usually have: being back in HS, being back in college, previous jobs. But I forgot one theme because I hadn’t had it in a while. Until last week that is…

The fourth most prevalent recurring dream theme I have had over the years is getting stuck in something – usually my clothes. Sometimes, I’m trying to pull a shirt or dress off over my head and I get wedged into my clothes. Sometimes it’s that I can’t get my pants off. Once I even had a nightmare that I got stuck in the “pass through” between my two horse fields (that one really disturbed me 😳). And I am almost always screaming for help because I can’t get loose – something along the lines of get this off of me – while I violently struggle with the garment.

Last week, I topped myself in the getting stuck theme. It started off as usual, trying to take a grey tank top off (the stuff that sticks in my brain from dreams 🤪). Now under the tank, I was wearing some kind of black vest, kind of like a bullet proof vest, only it went around my torso, but not over my shoulders 🤔. Weird, right? Well, I’m halfway through pulling my shirt off when somehow, I manage to get entangled in it – wrapped around my forehead, one arm trapped – just a hot mess, as usual 😆. In the middle of the insanity, someone (male, don’t ask how I know, I just do 🤷‍♀️) enters the room where I am changing. I start to get embarrassed because I’m half naked then I remember I am covered up by the weird vest thing I’m wearing. So, my sleeping brain reasons that I should ask him for help getting untangled. However, before I can ask the vest starts to tighten around me, like a boa constrictor 😱. I’m struggling to breath and that forces me to wake up thoroughly, confused gasping for air 😮‍💨. And I could still feel the sensation of being squeezed 😬. Now most would reason that it’s because I was wrapped up in my blanket – but that wasn’t the case. I think my recurring dream that decided to level up is all 🤷‍♀️.

I did mention previous dreams to my younger sister once and she was shocked as she too had those same type of dreams! And I suspect some of you have as well 😊. But what’s funny, is hers came true once 😮. It happened on her honeymoon, and she realized a dress she bought was tight (it was her size, but as there is inconsistency in clothing sizes among brands, it was actually too small). She got it on ok but was trying to get it off when she got stuck and went into full panic mode. Thankfully her new hubby was on hand to get it off (I think she said literally rip it off of her). I can imagine after having had that dream and it comes true must have been frightening for a moment. And then funny (yep, I laughed when she told me about it 😆😆).

As for me, I really should sort my s🤬🤬t out so that maybe I would have normal dreams 😁.

As always, comments are open. Feel free to have a laugh at my weirdness 😜.

Side note: the pass thorough is designed as a sort of break in the pasture fence that is only supposed to allow the human through, not the horse. And yet one of my horses could fit through it 🤦‍♀️😆 (below is a set up similar to mine).

The Lizard Story 🦎

I am trying to follow-up with stories I promised to tell in other blogs in a timely manner. So, before I forget, here is the unvarnished story of the lizard whose tale I lopped off, which I mentioned in my recent blog (Why Me Moment).

A few years ago, in my previous Camden home out in the middle of nowhere (I miss that house ☹️) I was watching TV when my beloved girl Reese starts acting crazy, violently pushing her food dish around. So, of course I’m like what the f🤬🤬k? I walk over to see her attempting to corner a lizard (ok gecko, but still…) that had found its way into the house. It kept hiding under her food dish, hence the reason for attacking the dish 🤪. Now, I was home alone as my ex (then husband) was again away on business 🙄, so I had to do something to get it outside, preferably alive. I do the only thing I could think of and grabbed a plastic bowel to clamp down over it. After I trapped it under the bowel, I looked for a magazine to slide under it, effectively trapping it between the container and magazine so that I could release it outside. You know the maneuver…

All was going well until it wasn’t 😬. I lifted the bowel a little too high and the gecko darted out 😮. Now I do not do well with small critters that dart quickly – it gives me the willies (SHUDDER). So, I freaked out and slammed the bowel back over the lizard and that was when the tail lopping occurred 😢. I probably took off a good ¼ to ½ of an inch off the tail. After I got over the absolute horror (😱😱😱) of what I had done I moved on to revulsion as the tail was still twitching on my wood floor and I knew I would have to clean it up (🤢🤢🤢). I then moved on to my final emotion – utter guilt (😞😞😞). I HATE injuring animals, even if it was accidently. In my defense, however, he shouldn’t have darted and spooked me or even been in my house, so really it was his own fault (or so I tried to tell myself 😆).

I know most of you who know your science will say “don’t worry, their tails grow back” and I also knew that (hey I read Arm of the Starfish 😁). But I felt awful, and I had to get him out of my house because Reese was still trying to eat it. I retried the magazine/bowel trick again with much better success this time (the gecko was probably nursing its tail under there 😬) and I deposited him safely in the back yard. And for a year after, I could always tell when he was around the house because of the tail 🥰.

And now I have a skink living under the flashing on the ledge outside my front door. Coincidence? I think not.That is my tale of the tail. Hope it gave you a good laugh for the day 😁.

Happy weekend My Lovelies 💜.

Not a Recap – I Love a Mama’s Boy S.3 Ep.6

This week on I Love a Mama’s boy… while relatively mild, it had some moments with Kelly and Tre taking the cake in their respective stories.

Mom Kelly, Matt, and Brittany: After this week, I’m not sure Brittany will be around much longer, and I say more power to here cause this mom has issues. The way she acts, you’d think Kim broke up with her last season 🙄. But I digress. In tonight’s episode, Kelly thinks it is perfectly normal to drop in on Brittany at her at work to have a private conversation (code for more interrogation). She also is checking to see if she actually has a job. Brittany is caught off guard (rightfully so) and she gets short with Kelly, which Kelly didn’t appreciate. You know what Brittany didn’t appreciate? YOU barging into her work. Later we see the office manager and another staff member coming up to Brittany and I’m thinking she’s going to get in trouble. Fortunately, that is not the case – they are Team Brittany. The office manager, who is quite fond of Brittany says maybe she should confront Matt at his work and see how he likes it. Now that is something I would pay to see 👀.

Mom Esther, Ethan, and Leyna: It’s time for the bachelorette weekend in Miami 🍾🥂. Still taking bets on whether Esther can stay away from the girls or not 😆😆😆. In the first few minutes of their story, we find out that Sam, Ethan’s twin brother’s girlfriend, has arrived and she flew down with Esther! Now Esther was there to meet some of her friends because we see her trying to convince her friend that it’s ok to “check in” on the girl’s. The friend, trying to save Esther from herself, tells her she does not need to bother them this weekend. Alas, it falls on deaf ears. Which is not surprising when you find out that Esther shared an Uber with Sam and had Sam dropped off first so she could find out where they were all staying 🤦‍♀️. At this point, I’m wondering what happens when they see the confessionals. At this point the betting is closed. For those of you who took the odds that Esther wouldn’t show up – you would be a LOSER 😁. However, if you’ve read any of my non recaps, you know not to bet against the house when it comes to the crazy lengths the moms will go to. She decides to show up the morning after they have been drinking all night just so she could drop off engraved glasses for the bridesmaids. She just had to find some reason to show up. Will we see more of her this weekend? Unknown but I wouldn’t be surprised if she did.

Mom Lorenda, Tre and Abbey: This week we start with Tre and his mom at church. After church, Lorenda is complaining that Abbey isn’t at church. Tre gets one point from me for supporting Abbey by saying that she attends her own church and that it’s not a problem. Lorenda is just trying to drive that wedge. She must not like her grandson much, given the way she treats his mother. Kids pick up on that stuff. They discuss the boundaries that Abbey set and decide to give it a week before Lorenda can butt in again. The next time we see Tre, he is trying to rally support for removing the boundaries from a close friend of his who grew up with Tre and is close to Lorenda. Even he agrees that Lorenda has too much say in their household. The more they talk, the more I realize Tre has never had to do one thing for himself, so he doesn’t want to make his own breakfast or do his own laundry because Mom will always be there to take care of it 🙄. Side topic – can we stop acting like some men are incapable of doing basic household chores? Or teach them that cooking and cleaning is not just for women anymore? It’s not that hard and most people don’t like to do it, but we suck it up and get it done. Watching the way Lorenda treats Tre like a child makes me feel like women have just moved backwards 50+ years in time. All I can say is if he doesn’t change his attitude and behavior with his mom, he is going to lose the mother of his child. I think being on this show is really opening up Abbey’s eyes. Sending you lots of support Abbey 💜.

Mom Nancy, Robert and Kristy: This will be short and not so sweet, unless you count the guilt trip Kristy lays on Robert (again, rightfully so). First, we find them taking a walk to discuss the paternity test again (Kristy’s mom is watching the girls and you can tell she is pissed about the whole thing 😬). Kristy gives Robert one more chance to back out and prove to her that her feelings on the subject are more important than his moms. But he feels they should just prove his mom wrong 🤯🤯. Kristy also wants to address a concern she has about his mom watching their youngest and how she might be treating her seeing as Nancy doesn’t believe it’s her granddaughter (I was wondering the same thing 😢). He doesn’t think she would treat the child differently, but seeing how she treats Kristy, I wouldn’t put it past her. Anyway, since Kristy didn’t actually think Robert would stand up to his mom about this, she has procured a DNA testing kit and she wants to get it over with. Robert is convinced it will get his mother to back off of Kristy, but her snort of derision says it all 😆😆. They return home and swab the little girl quickly, making it into a game. Robert begins to fill out the paperwork and is taken aback by the term alleged father and Kristy asks, “how does that make you feel?” (rub that salt right on in that wound Kristy 😁). See Robert, that is what you signed up for when you prioritized your mother’s belief over your wife feelings. And Kristy is pouring on the guilt and I am HERE FOR IT! Kristy “I feel so disrespected and embarrassed and that my daughter has to be a part of all of this because of you.” Robert “I’m sorry.” Kristy “You’re sorry yet our still doing it”. I hope they survive this because the level of disrespect is real.

Final thoughts: Ethan is making progress towards putting Leyna first, but we haven’t seen how the wedding goes so there is time for him to f🤬🤬k it up. RUN Brittany RUN 🏃‍♀️!!!!! Abbey, stick to those boundaries or do what you need to in order to find an equal partner who will treasure you as much, if not more than his mom. I actually like Robert and Kristy together, so I am rooting for them to work on boundaries with his mom. But make no mistake – team Kristy all the way.

Until next week…

Click the I Love a Mama’s Boy tag below for more Not a Recaps of this show.

Why Me Moment

Note: If you’re following the non-recaps of Mama’s Boy – it’ll be up tomorrow at the latest.

Lately I’ve been having a lot of “why me” moments. You know those moments, when small, weird (ish) things keep occurring to you. But the latest one has me in my feelings 😔.

What happened you ask? Well, let me tell you….

As I was getting ready to mow on Saturday, I found a dead rat snake (or, at least, non-venomous snake) stuck to one of those glue traps my pest control guys put out. Talk about guilt – I really hate when I am the cause of an animal’s pain 😢 (someday I’ll tell you about the time I accidentally lopped off a lizard’s tail 😬). I realize that I’ll have to get help disposing of it (yep, girly feelings about touching dead things, esp. snakes 🤷‍♀️), but it can wait until I finish mowing. But wait, it gets worse! When I finish mowing and go to grab the weed whacker, I realized that the snake had changed positions 😱😱! And did I mention that my weed whacker was sitting near it (SHUDDER). So, I walked down the street where I found a guy who was working on a project for another house and asked for help, which he was kind enough agree to aide me during my time of crisis 😆. He came up to the house about half an hour after we spoke and removed the snake from my garage. I was hoping we could release it from the trap, but he said it wasn’t possible, so he euthanized the poor thing for me (again SHUDDER). So not only do I feel guilty for the poor thing getting trapped, I feel worse that we had to kill it (ok the kind person killed it while I covered my eyes). Now in all fairness, if it hadn’t gotten trapped, I would have nudge it out of my garage with a very, very long handled broom 😁.

Here’s the thing when it comes to wildlife in my house (garage included) – you stay out of my space, and we are copacetic. Come into it, all bets are off! Although, I do try to remove most critters alive, but it doesn’t always work out that way.

And now I probably have the whatever deity that protects animals on my ass along with the Universe and Fate. Thus the “Why Me?” moment (see, brought it full circle 😁)

Hope you are having better luck with them than I am My Lovelies 😉.

PS I also removed the rest of the traps in case you were wondering 🙂.

A Little Cosmic Smack

Seeing as Fate has taken a break from handing me my ass on the regular, I decided to let my guard down and feel a little good about my life for a moment. BIG MISTAKE, HUGE!

Here’s what happened… yesterday, I was having a pretty great day. I had a wonderful therapy appointment, I was spending money without a care (within reason of course – still have to be a responsible ish adult 😁) and thinking that it was nice to not have any major concern in my life right now, that I was healthy emotionally, physically, and financially. As I was thinking this I was just sitting down in the Sam’s Club “cafeteria” about to indulge in one of their delicious hot dogs with a drink (don’t judge me 🙃) when then the first cosmic smack came – I knocked my drink over making a huge mess. Now I know you’re thinking “that happens all the time” and your right, but the timing was suspect. But it didn’t end there. After notifying someone of the mess and feeling awful about making it (yes, I have a weird guilt syndrome when it comes to these things 😬), I finished my hot dog, refilled my drink, and headed for the exit. As I’m leaving, I go to take a sip and the lid popped off and I spilled a fair amount of soda on myself making a second mess 🤦‍♀️. Now the Sam’s club employees were kind enough to help me clean up, but REALLY?!? Twice with the soda?!? Tell me that wasn’t the universe giving me a little cosmic smack for feeling good about my life. It probably thought “She’s feeling a little cocky right now, let’s fix that”. And two soda baths later – mission accomplished; I am sufficiently cowed by the universe 😆😆😆.

In all seriousness, you have to laugh at moments like these (well after the initial swearing about it 🤬🤬) because in the grand scheme of life, it’s just a small annoyance. I’d finish with “Live, Laugh, Love” but ewww.

I will say, one bright spot in my day was spending 3 ½ hours on the phone with one of my best friends. And because of the time difference, I didn’t get off the phone until 1 am so I’m off to take a nap 😴.

Peace My Lovelies 💜.